We’re all familiar with what it feels like to face adversity in life, some more than others. Adversity has the chance to make or break us. It can build resilience and character in a way like nothing else in life. Bestselling author and mental health educator Melli O’Brien recently shared with us some insights into the impact of adversity in our lives.
“Decades of psychological research show that it’s not what happens to us, but how we respond to what happens to us that determines our resilience, well-being, and overall quality of life,” she wrote. “This is good news because no matter the situation, we always have the power to choose our response—and that choice can shape the course of our lives,” she continued.
If there is anyone who embodies this spirit, it is Staci Kirk—a transformational speaker, advocate, and founder of the Stiletto Boss Foundation. Not only does she know adversity well, she is also the poster child for resilience, and helping others find the same within themselves.
As she says on her website, “I’m a woman who’s lived through the kind of pain that could’ve taken me out, but I chose to rise anyway.”
A six-time cancer survivor, Staci has taken her journey from illness to advocacy and built a platform rooted in faith, purpose, and radical vulnerability. From surviving childhood trauma and domestic violence to enduring cancer diagnoses that shook her body and spirit, her story is not just about survival — it’s about transformation. Staci believes every scar, every “why me,” every setback was a setup for her mission today: helping women break free from fear and fully step into their power.
Today Staci serves as a voice for black women who have experienced a cancer diagnosis, who have survived trauma and want to do more than just survive, and for those that have the audacity to want to live the life they were meant to regardless of the obstacles.
Staci recently published a memoir titled ‘Hold On Sis. Let Me Take My Wig Off’, which is an unfiltered guide for women navigating adversity, encouraging them to drop the performance of strength and embrace their full humanity.
She is redefining what it means to thrive after trauma—choosing authenticity, softness, and connection over shame and silence. And we wanted to know more about her incredible story, and tap into that well of resilience she is sharing with her community!
We had the opportunity to glean some wisdom from this powerful woman which we hope will inspire you today, no matter who you are and no matter where you are on your journey in life.
What does it mean to live life with purpose? And how would you define yours?
Living with purpose means refusing to wait for life to hand you meaning—you create it. After surviving cancer six times, I don’t just exist; I lead with intention. My purpose is rooted in using everything I’ve endured—trauma, loss, resilience—as a catalyst to help other women rise. Especially Black women. I’m here to remind them they can thrive, not just survive.
Growing up, you survived childhood trauma and domestic violence, and then battled through a cancer diagnosis. People rightly describe you as a warrior woman, but what does it truly mean to have strength?
Strength isn’t about never falling apart. It’s about choosing to get back up—again and again. It’s in the quiet moments when you keep going even when your body, heart, or spirit feels broken. Strength, for me, has looked like showing up to life with tears in my eyes and faith in my chest. It’s radical honesty. It’s softness. It’s trusting your voice, even when it trembles.
Not many people are aware of how Black women are disproportionately impacted by cancer differently. Can you share any information about this, and why it is important for you to speak about your experience?
Black women often face delayed diagnoses, inadequate care, and a healthcare system that doesn’t always see or hear us. Our pain is too often dismissed, our needs overlooked. That’s why I speak loudly and unapologetically. I want other Black women to know they are not alone—and to advocate for care that acknowledges their whole humanity, not just their symptoms.
What were the biggest changes in your life after receiving your cancer diagnosis?
Cancer stripped away every version of me that was performing survival and not living fully. It forced me to confront who I was beyond roles and routines. It gave me clarity, purpose, and an urgency to stop waiting for “someday.” I began sharing my story, founding the Stiletto Boss Foundation, and stepping into my calling in ways I never imagined.
You also talk about emotional healing as an important component to the overall healing journey. What did this look like for you, and what do you want others to know about it?
Emotional healing is daily, deliberate work. It’s boundaries without guilt. It’s choosing softness. It’s crying and laughing in the same breath. For me, it looks like speaking kindly to myself, surrounding myself with people who pour into me, and resting without apology. Healing isn’t linear—it’s sacred, messy, and worth every step.
What does it mean to have radical vulnerability, and what did this look like in your life, especially during the hard moments?
Radical vulnerability means showing up as your full self—unfiltered, unmasked, and unashamed. For me, it was sharing my story after losing my hair for the third time. Letting people see the rawness behind the strength. That transparency created connection. It gave other women permission to stop performing strength and just be.
What motivated you to keep going and fight for yourself in the moments where it felt impossible?
I kept going because I knew my survival wasn’t just for me. I thought of every woman who needed a reminder that their story wasn’t over. And in my lowest moments, I heard God whisper, “There’s more.” That “more”—my purpose—kept me going. I knew I had a calling to serve, to speak, to build something bigger than my pain.
Today you are committed to giving back to your community and helping others know they are not alone. Can you tell us a little about the Stiletto Boss Foundation and the types of people you serve?
The Stiletto Boss Foundation is my heart work. We serve women—especially Black women—who are navigating trauma, illness, and life transitions. Through sister circles, workshops, and advocacy, we create spaces where women can take off their masks, heal in community, and reclaim their power. We don’t just pour out—we pour in.
You also wrote a book, ‘Hold on Sis, Let Me Take My Wig Off’. Can you tell us a little about what you shared in the book, and the message you hoped readers will receive?
‘Hold On Sis’ is part memoir, part manifesto. It’s me taking off the wig—literally and metaphorically—and inviting women into my story. The grief, the breakthroughs, the faith, the fight. I wrote it to remind women that their process is powerful, their pain has purpose, and they are not alone. It’s a love letter to every woman in the storm.
A cancer diagnosis can often become the dominant narrative in someone’s life story. So now that you have the mic, what else do you want people to know about you and what makes you a whole person?
Cancer may be a chapter in my story, but it’s not the whole book. I’m a mother. A believer. A woman who loves deeply, laughs loudly, and lives fully. I’m passionate about sisterhood, storytelling, and spiritual growth. I want people to know I’m not defined by my battles—I’m refined by them.
You say your story is not just about survival, but transformation. What do you hope others will learn from this, and the importance of truly thriving in life?
Survival is the starting line—not the destination. I want women to know they’re allowed to evolve, to outgrow the pain, to dream again. Thriving means choosing joy, setting boundaries, and living in alignment with your calling. Transformation is permission to stop shrinking and start soaring.
If you could go back in time to tell younger Staci a message of empowerment or encouragement, what would it be?
I’d hold her face in my hands and say, “You’re going to lose some things—but you’ll find everything.” I’d tell her she doesn’t have to be perfect to be powerful. That her softness is strength. And that she’s going to change lives—starting with her own. Just keep going, sis. You’re not done.
You can follow the Stiletto Boss Foundation on Instagram and Facebook, and find more ways to get involved with the network on their website. Buy a copy of Staci’s book ‘Hold On Sis: Let Me Take My Wig Off’, out now.
