Am I Still A Modern Day Feminist If I Want A House & A Baby?


I am only 2 months away from my 30th birthday and it finally hit me this past week: the urge to have babies, settle down, buy a house, and be domestic. All my life, ever since I can remember I have been solely career driven and very ambitious. Sure, I have been in relationships, but my drive to succeed has always played a huge role and I have never given up any of my dreams for a guy.

My dad always gave me that advice and it has resonated with me deeply. For the past 10 years, working in Television in both Australia and Hollywood has meant a lot of dedication and focus with plenty of rewards both personally and professionally.

I was never one of those girls who planned her wedding from way back when, picked out her dress and kept it in a “wedding book” or sorted through my iTunes to compile a ‘walk down the aisle’ list before even meeting Mr. right. I would sometimes wonder when the mothering urge would hit me, but it was always a fleeting thought. I dismissed it by saying “oh some time in my 30s would be a good time I guess.”

Well, here they are, my 30s. Looming on the horizon with much intensity and (i like to think, optimistically) promise. Perhaps now that the 3rd decade of my existence is no longer a far away dream but a close reality, the urge has started to kick in. I want to have a baby, I want to be able to buy a house, I want to create memories and share my life with a family I can call my own. It’s a vicious cycle, however. To buy a house and be able to take care of a baby by potentially not working for a while (with my Mr. Right, obvs) I need to have saved up a decent amount of money. To have a decent amount of money I need to work more, none of this freelance gig-to-gig working, I mean serious, full time contract, health benefits, salary working. So I have to keep working for a while longer which means that domestic dream is put off yet again…sigh.

I have always prided myself for being a true woman of the 2000s, a career girl who has created her own opportunities, had the hutzpah and bravery to switch it up and move countries at the age of 24, and gain a great reputation for my talents within the entertainment industry from those I worked with. I have always been very forward thinking and turned up my nose at the traditional female urges thinking that we as a gender aren’t realizing our full potential and the world misses out on what we have to offer if we simply retreat into stereotypes.

So now that my natural instincts for having a family are kicking in, does it mean I am doing a disservice to the greater feminist movement? Am I one of those girls taking step back because of the next stage of desires that I would like to pursue?

Can I truly have both? When I look at women like Marissa Mayer, Yahoo! CEO who was appointed while 28 weeks pregnant, it gives me hope. But it’s also a rare case. I recently read an interview with Natalie Massanet, the millionaire entrepreneur who created the luxury women’s online fashion store She says creating the site, while also pregnant, was the biggest mistake of her life and she will never do it again. She chalks it up to crazy hormones which gave her the idea that she could start a business while preparing for the birth of her first offspring. To hear her say she “deeply regrets” doing this leaves me scratching my head.

Taking a deep breath and a step back I realize there is no text book called “Life”. It’s just something that we do, and learn about along the way. We all are unique and individual, and unless we allow it to happen, we shouldn’t be labelled by one person’s experiences or what the media says to us.

Do all men brew beer? Do they all manage their household’s finances? Do they do all the dirty work around the home? No. Just like the myriad of female stereotypes that exist, there are also the same for males. I am learning that I have to keep my eyes focused on my own race and do what is best for me. It’s when I start looking to the left and to the right, comparing myself with other women, reading articles that tell me how I should and shouldn’t live my life that I get confused and start to doubt who I am.

Today, here is what I have learned I am. I am a young woman who has a great career, who is passionate about inspiring others, who wants a family, a house, who loves to travel and eat great food and can talk anyone under the table. None of that is anything I should be ashamed of. I may not ever have the star-infused balanced life of Angelina Jolie (above picture) but I am willing to put my hand to the plow and make it work.

It’s time I start taking a heavy dose of my own medication (i.e, advice) and embracing everything about myself. Love who I am, celebrate my uniqueness in society and what I have to offer those around me. Yes, I do consider myself somewhat of a feminist, and a determined career woman. But one day I will also be a fantastic mother, great wife, house owner and do everything to the best of my abilities. Whilst possibly being broke. But that’s ok too.

“Aging is not ‘lost youth’ but a new stage of opportunity and strength.”
— Betty Friedan, author of “The Feminine Mystique”


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  1. Great article

  2. I once heard someone say that “you CAN have it all, but not at the same time.” I think there’s a lot of truth to that. I also believe that as you aim to be the kind of woman you were created to be, you will attract the man who will value you and be the husband and father you desire. There is great value in being a wife and mother and it can be a wondrous season in life. I resent that being a feminist seems to preclude women from choosing to embrace being a wife an mother as a vocation for that season. The fact that we have to ask the question makes me sad. For me, there is no higher calling than building a family, raising a child to be a productive, faith driven contributor to a world run amok and making an impact on that world. No career achievement even comes close. Praying that the God who loves you so much gives you the desires of your heart. It’s all good. <3

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