Ever been given a compliment that turned out to be a negative in disguise? Something along the lines of “not bad for a girl” or “you’d be so much prettier if you’d just lose a bit of weight” for instance?
They are the types of statements that we believe have actually been mislabeled as “compliments” because in fact they are discrimination in disguise, wrapped in a bubble of shock and often passive aggressive.
We live in a world where everyone has an opinion on almost everything because our social nature has empowered us to think that we need to share those opinions wherever possible. Unfortunately this type of environment has a huge backlash in the way of online bullying and harassment, but it is worse when it happens in person.
Australian teen artist Vanessa Papastavros, who has a Tumblr page called Van Scribbles where she shares her artistry and illustrations, has released a series of images on her site dissecting the backhanded compliments that women often face. Sure, it’s not a social disease (we like to call it that) which is just directed at women, but in this instance it is focused on them.
The idea came about after Vanessa and her friends discussed the backhanded compliments they had received, and she decided to ask her followers to share their experiences online. She then created a series of images based on the statements which sadly, don’t sound out of the ordinary at all. I.e, there are more than a few of the statements in her illustrations that we have heard before.
“Backhanded compliments are disproportionally aimed at women, and that’s hardly a surprise. The body-shaming culture perpetuated by both men and women links back to the belief that a woman’s worth or value is found in her appearance or desirability. Often, people are trying to put down or subtly control a woman’s decisions about her appearance through a backhanded compliment. They want to make you into what they consider acceptable and attractive,” she told the Huffington Post.
The series of images includes remarks that are racist, some which seek to degrade women’s body shapes, their choice of clothing, their intelligence and many others.
“The insult is subtle, it’s encased in some flattery, but at the end of the day it’s still singing the same broken-record tune: as a woman, you are not meeting my standards,” says Vanessa about the underlying meaning of a backhanded compliment.
“They are often exchanged in a more personal format, and directly tailored around your insecurities. They are often said by people you know well. And, most unfortunately, they are a passive-aggressive form of body shaming that tends to leave you feeling offended but powerless to protest.”
Under each statement submitted by her readers, Vanessa has included comebacks, but that is not necessarily what the images are about. It is more about the culture of shaming that needs to be examined and abolished.
“Unlearning this way of thinking starts with educating oneself about body positivity, feminism and basic human decency. It’s all about broadening your view of beauty and where it can be found, and embracing that with confidence,” she said.
It is a subtle societal problem like she mentioned, but that doesn’t mean awareness shouldn’t be raised about this issue. The more we are conscious about unlearning the negative and discriminatory behaviors taught to us by society, the media and any other external factors, the less we are likely to perpetuate body shaming and basing each other’s value on physical appearance.
It may just be one illustration series, but they are important messages. Backhanded compliments are anything BUT complimentary. Perhaps the next time you experience one of them, you can use it as a teaching moment to share with the person why what they said is not positive at all.
You can take a look at the entire series by going to Vanessa’s Tumblr page, or see some of our favorites below: