By Jerra Latrice
There was a time when I dreaded Valentine’s Day. I disliked seeing couples together during this day, and I was extremely bitter about not being in a relationship or having someone special to spend Valentine’s Day with. I used to compare myself to others. I’ll never forget the constant thoughts of, “When will it be my turn?” and “How is SHE in a relationship, and not ME?” that were running through my mind. However, when I shifted my focus inwardly instead of outwardly, I realized I needed to make a change.
Therapy helped me to understand certain things about myself. After many successful therapy sessions, and healing from past relationship hurt, I decided to write my first book, ‘I Was Bitter, Now I’m Better.’ It speaks about my journey from being a bitter woman to a more loving, patient, and forgiving person. Instead of feeling bitter during Valentine’s Day, I have learned to embrace my singleness, focus on my OWN life (instead of someone else’s), and genuinely love those around me.
I am noticing more women embracing their singleness more than ever these days- and I’m totally here for it! However, there are some who no longer desire being single, and as Valentine’s Day approaches, it is yet another reminder to them of their lack of companionship. Also, let’s not forget the fact that we are still in the midst of a national pandemic. Being single on Valentine’s Day during a national pandemic does not have to be burdensome. Here are three ways to uplift your spirits and embrace your singleness during Valentine’s Day:
Seize Your Solitude
Yes, you read that correctly. Seize your solitude, because I can almost guarantee that you regularly spend time with others to avoid spending time with yourself. You mask feelings of loneliness by finding a virtual event to attend, gathering with friends, or taking lunch breaks with co-workers. On the surface, these appear to be healthy activities, but honestly ask yourself, “When was the last time I spent time alone?” Intensify the level of time you spend alone with yourself…get to know yourself without the “noise” of others.
This Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to make yourself a nice dinner, light a candle, and enjoy one of your favorite movies – in complete solitude.Being in solitude can reveal a lot about ourselves. You have to learn the art of falling in love with you, before you can allow someone else to properly love you. Most women these days are fearlessly taking solo trips, purchasing a home (without “waiting for a husband”), and savoring their solitude.
Schedule Self-Care
Some of the examples I just provided describe self-care. Instead of practicing self-care on special occasions such as Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to make it more of a routine habit. Set aside time for monthly facials and massages. Schedule manicures and pedicures. Take yourself out on a date every week or twice a week. Something as simple as reading a book can be classified as self-care. Your self-care schedule should mirror the schedule you have established at work, to some degree. Again, make it a priority and a routine. When you implement self-care, you will realize the importance of spending time alone and you eliminate the need to compare your singleness with others who are in a relationship.
To help with taking your mind off of being single during Valentine’s Day, shut down social media for the day, DO NOT watch sappy movies, and actively implement self-care. A few days before Valentine’s Day, make an appointment at a spa and spoil yourself. Do not think about what others are doing do not feel compelled to call your ex due to loneliness. Valentine’s Day is a day reserved for love, and the best form of love is self-love. Implement self-care unapologetically this day – and make it a regular routine.
Send Letters to Loved Ones
I am a firm believer in “giving people their flowers while they can still smell them.” In other words, I do not hesitate to let my friends and loved ones know how I feel about them–because tomorrow is never promised. These nice words and simple gestures can go a long way. Be quick to express gratitude, share your love, and uplift others around you. Since we are in the midst of a global pandemic with social distancing mandates in most areas, this type of human connection is important. To help combat the Valentine’s Day blues, instead of throwing a pity party, let people around you know how you feel about them. You never know, they might be experiencing depression too around this time of year. Your words just may be the thing to get them through.
Sending letters to loved ones (especially during Valentine’s Day) is an excellent way to divert your energy, while spreading positivity. Quite honestly, when you do nice things for others it automatically uplifts your spirits, when the sole intention was to uplift someone else. Your letter can be as long or as short as you’d like, but be sure to share any feelings of admiration, gratitude, and appreciation for the person you’re sending it to. Also, if writing a letter is not your “thing,” send a text message or a video to someone this Valentine’s Day season.
I am truly a better woman – not a bitter one! ‘I Was Bitter, Now I’m Better’ is more than just a book title for me…it’s my life’s mission. By embracing your solitude, implementing self-care, and sending letters to loved ones, you will keep yourself busy and more than likely won’t find Valentine’s Day burdensome.
Jerra Latrice is a ghostwriter, editor, and self-published author of ‘I Was Bitter, Now I’m Better.’ She is an advocate of healing, practicing self-love, and embracing singleness. In her relationship memoir, she is very candid in sharing her experiences with verbal abuse, having low self-esteem, distrust in men, and much more! Jerra Latrice is also the owner of Gifted With a Pen, and helps authors develop their story through expert ghostwriting and editing services.
Social Media:
IG:https://www.instagram.com/jerralatricethewriter/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jerralatrice/
Website: www.jerralatrice.com
