Hey Kelly Rowland, You’re Not The Only One With Some “Dirty Laundry”

Kelly Rowland just released her single ‘Dirty Laundry’ this Wednesday and it set tongues wagging. It is from her forthcoming album ‘Talk a Good Game’ which was produced by The Dream.

As the title suggests, it was all about airing some grievances which she had apparently been keeping quiet for some time. She spoke about her jealousy of Beyonce’s career post-Destiny’s Child, as well as being involved an an abusive relationship at the same time.

Some of the lyrics include:

While my sister was on stage, killing it like a motherf-cker
I was enraged, feeling it like a motherf-cker
Bird in a cage, you would never know what I was dealing with
Went out separate ways, but I was happy she was killing it
Bittersweet, she was up, I was down
No lie, I feel good for her, but what do I do now?
Forget the records
Off the record, I was going through some bulls-t
Post-survivor, she on fire, who wanna hear my bulls-t?
Meanwhile, this n-a putting his hands on me
I swear y’all don’t know the half of this industry

Kelly Rowland

 

While it’s horrible to hear the details of this abusive relationship she endured around the same time, I wanted to focus on the jealousy aspect as it hit home with me a little.

Being jealous is a hard thing to admit, especially when it is jealously of someone’s career. There are some things about the entertainment industry you just can’t control, and like Kelly says (above) y’all don’t know half of this industry.

Being a TV host and producer for 10 years is a huge achievement for me personally, but it has also come with its low points. I have seen some of my female peers, some less qualified or experienced than me, excel far above and beyond what I have. They have landed some amazing gigs and I can admit that it has made me burn with jealousy. I am talking prime time TV gigs that I have worked so hard for and have dreamed of for a long time.

It seemed so unfair and I felt like I was not pretty enough, good enough, talented enough bla bla bla. I still feel like that now sometimes. I guess that’s why part of the reason I created GirlTalkHQ was because I know I am not alone in this feeling and I wanted there to be a platform for young girls to come and find inspiration for those times when life just beats up on you.

The more I have matured and realigned my focus in my career to include GTHQ in a big way, I have been able to accept that the jobs I didn’t successfully book I wasn’t right for, and that’s ok. I’ve also come to realize that nothing lasts forever. So when I see people with amazing jobs, careers, opportunities etc, I know how fickle TV and entertainment can be. Not that I am waiting for someone to get fired so I can gloat, (although I have thought of this before) but I know that when I have had amazing jobs and when I do again in the future, I will want my friends to support me.

I also need to develop better habits and thicker skin. In the TV biz, there is always going to be a prettier, more talented more determined more well-connected girl than me who is going to land the amazing jobs. But guess what, I am going to get the jobs that are right for me, and only me.

I cannot even begin to imagine what it was like for Michelle, Beyonce and Kelly as they started out as equals, then all of a sudden Beyonce’s star rockets out of the stratosphere leaving the others wondering “Did Destiny’s Child even happen?”

I think on the eve of my 30th birthday it hits home even more to see so many other young women that started alongside me seemingly surpass me and leave me with a feeling of inadequacy and insecurity about what I am worth. That’s the other thing, it made me realize I pinned ALL my worth on my job and the ability to acquire one. How sad! I am worth far more than some numbers and zeroes on a paycheck. My life shouldn’t be planned or purposed around just that because I have so much more to offer my friends, family and community which doesn’t involve TV hosting.

One of the hardest times was seeing a girl I was good friends with a while back move to LA and land the most amazing job literally right off the plane. She was a girl who didn’t have many TV credits in Australia, not as many as me anyway and she would always meet up with me and ask for my advice etc. Call it fate or being in the right place, right time, but when she moved here she got a job on a prime time TV show for a major network here in the US. After about a year I happened to run into her again at a lunch with a group of other aussie friends, and she had changed. I mean, there was such an air of arrogance and superiority about her it actually shocked me.

I was disappointed to see how her ‘fame’ had affected her. I was of no use to her anymore, not even as a friend and I have not heard from her since. It made me burn for a long time. But now I accept it for what it is. I feel inadequate. I feel like she is going to ask me that stock standard Hollywood question “So what are you doing these days?” and I am going to fumble my words and just look like a pathetic wannabe with nothing really great going on. So, I avoid her. I saw her recently at a small gathering in Beverly Hills and actually asked the 2 friends who were with me to join me in sitting on the complete opposite side of the room to her, so that there would be no chance of an interaction! Isn’t that crazy?!

It’s something I have to deal with myself and learn to understand that I am who I am for a reason and a purpose, which is being revealed day by day.

When I see people like Kelly Rowland being bold enough to air their ‘dirty laundry’ it makes me realize there is power in owning up to what is making me angry. Once I can own it, I can release it and move on. Talking about our issues and getting them off our chests can be very freeing, just like my gorgeous friend Jamie who shared her story of having a one night stand, getting an STD and a baby.

Kelly has been a judge on the UK X Factor, Michelle Williams is to date one of the most celebrated and successful gospel artists in the United States, those are no small feats to be laughed at. Perhaps things happen for a reason to allow us to really become who we are meant to be.

Perhaps I didn’t get all those so-called ‘dream jobs’ because I was meant to create GirlTalkHQ and offer something back to all the amazing young girls and women out there who are crying out for positive content. Now, every spare minute I get I pour my heart soul and time into this website as I realized this is my one true passion: to inspire and empower my generation of females.

While I know I am a freakin’ fantastically talented TV host, writer and segment producer, I also know the right jobs come along at the right time. I have been blessed to work with some of the world’s biggest networks and be nominated for an award! That is something to celebrate and be proud of.

I just need to keep on running my own race, walking my own path in life and stop looking to the left and the right to see what everyone else is doing. Comparing ourselves to others is a dangerous downward spiral and only cultivates bad habits.

So there you have it, my dirty laundry all aired out and (hopefully) cleaned up. I am thankful to see beautiful women who I call my friends (or did at one time) succeed and make their dreams come true. It inspires me to know all things are possible if you put your mind to it and work hard.

I want to encourage all of you who are reading this and who have had moments of jealousy, self-doubt and self-loathing when you see others succeed ahead of you to stop and count your blessings.

We are all beautiful in unique ways. There is only one me! So if you will stand by me, I promise to be a better female ambassador and stick to my convictions. Let’s do this together because I know I am not alone. Thank you all for reading this and being a part of GTHQ. I look forward to bringing you more and more exciting stuff every day!

asha_grass

Asha K signature

 

3 Comments

  1. Pingback: Will 3 Female Judges Be The Key To The X Factor USA’s Season 3 Success?

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