How A Scorpion Sting Woke Me Up To My Tumultuous Marriage & Gave Me A New Lease On Life

“I’m​ ​31​ ​and​ ​divorced.​ ​I​ ​didn’t​ ​plan​ ​my​ ​life​ ​to​ ​be​ ​this​ ​way​ ​obviously,​ ​but​ ​here​ ​I​ ​am.​ ​I’ll​ ​just​ ​state​ ​for the​ ​record​ ​that​ ​I​ ​also​ ​didn’t​ ​plan​ ​to​ ​be​ ​writing​ ​about​ ​my​ ​biggest​ ​obstacles​ ​to​ ​the​ ​public,​ ​but​ ​plans don’t​ ​always​ ​stay​ ​plans​ ​forever​ ​I​ ​guess.

So​ ​yeah,​ ​I’m​ ​divorced.​ ​I​ ​was​ ​only​ ​married​ ​for​ ​1.5​ ​years​ ​which​ ​makes​ ​me​ ​a​ ​“quitter”​ ​in​ ​many people’s​ ​eyes​ ​(although​ ​they’d​ ​probably​ ​never​ ​tell​ ​that​ ​to​ ​my​ ​face),​ ​because​ ​no​ ​one​ ​really knows​ ​what​ ​happens​ ​behind​ ​closed​ ​doors​ ​and​ ​everyone​ ​is​ ​so​ ​quick​ ​to​ ​judge​ ​other​ ​people…​ ​I know,​ ​I’m​ ​guilty​ ​of​ ​the​ ​same​ ​things.​ ​What​ ​many​ ​people​ ​don’t​ ​know​ ​is​ ​that​ ​there​ ​were​ ​many difficult​ ​things​ ​that​ ​happened​ ​over​ ​the​ ​course​ ​of​ ​that​ ​first​ ​few​ ​months​ ​of​ ​marriage.​

​My​ ​family​ ​lost our​ ​grandfather,​ ​my​ ​uncle​ ​passed​ ​after​ ​a​ ​motorcycle​ ​accident,​ ​and​ ​I​ ​realized​ ​that​ ​my​ ​new husband​ ​had​ ​a​ ​not-so-under-control​ ​substance​ ​abuse​ ​problem.​ ​I​ ​also​ ​realized​ ​that​ ​I​ ​was​ ​way out​ ​of​ ​my​ ​element…​ ​Being​ ​the​ ​type​ ​of​ ​person​ ​that​ ​was​ ​always​ ​“level-headed​ ​and​ ​happy,”​ ​I​ ​was very​ ​emotionally​ ​shaken​ ​and​ ​sad.​ ​Needless​ ​to​ ​say,​ ​I​ ​didn’t​ ​know​ ​how​ ​to​ ​release​ ​the​ ​story​ ​that​ ​I had​ ​so​ ​pridefully​ ​painted​ ​of​ ​myself​ ​to​ ​the​ ​world.​ ​As​ ​I​ ​hid​ ​my​ ​weakness,​ ​feelings​ ​of​ ​isolation​ ​grew like​ ​weeds​ ​inside​ ​me.

I​ ​wasn’t​ ​able​ ​to​ ​really​ ​show​ ​sadness​ ​or​ ​vulnerability​ ​at​ ​home​ ​without​ ​​ ​being​ ​made​ ​to​ ​feel​ ​crazy. If​ ​you’ve​ ​ever​ ​had​ ​a​ ​relationship​ ​with​ ​a​ ​narcissist,​ ​then​ ​you​ ​know​ ​the​ ​drill.​ ​Verbal​ ​and​ ​emotional abuse​ ​is​ ​an​ ​invisible​ ​soul​ ​crusher.​ ​Although​ ​you​ ​can’t​ ​see​ ​any​ ​temporary​ ​bruises​ ​that​ ​come​ ​with the​ ​more​ ​“compassion-worthy”​ ​physical​ ​abuse,​ ​these​ ​have​ ​the​ ​power​ ​to​ ​cause​ ​long-term trauma.​ ​As​ ​the​ ​co-dependent​ ​person​ ​that​ ​I​ ​was,​ ​I​ ​tried​ ​to​ ​protect​ ​him.​ ​I​ ​didn’t​ ​ask​ ​for​ ​help.​ ​No one​ ​really​ ​knew.​ ​The​ ​explosive​ ​anger,​ ​the​ ​addiction,​ ​the​ ​emotional​ ​abuse…​ ​it​ ​was​ ​all​ ​covered​ ​up with​ ​extravagant​ ​vacations​ ​around​ ​the​ ​world​ ​and​ ​our​ ​lucrative​ ​business​ ​together.

So,​ ​I​ ​just​ ​kept​ ​plugging​ ​away.​ ​I​ ​was​ ​numb.​ ​Something​ ​inside​ ​me​ ​was​ ​screaming​ ​for​ ​help​ ​but​ ​I didn’t​ ​know​ ​how​ ​to​ ​get​ ​it.​ ​I​ ​didn’t​ ​want​ ​to​ ​admit​ ​things​ ​to​ ​myself​ ​let​ ​alone​ ​share​ ​them​ ​with anyone​ ​else.​ ​The​ ​result:​ ​a​ ​quiet​ ​ache​ ​deep​ ​inside​ ​me​ ​that​ ​felt​ ​like​ ​a​ ​large​ ​boulder​ ​sitting​ ​on​ ​my chest.​ ​I​ ​didn’t​ ​know​ ​how​ ​to​ ​ask​ ​for​ ​what​ ​I​ ​needed.

Then,​ ​the​ ​most​ ​meaningful​ ​moment​ ​of​ ​my​ ​life​ ​happened.​ ​We​ ​were​ ​on​ ​another​ ​one​ ​of​ ​our vacations.​ ​It​ ​was​ ​day​ ​6​ ​of​ ​a​ ​16-day​ ​Grand​ ​Canyon​ ​rafting​ ​trip​ ​down​ ​the​ ​Colorado​ ​River…​ ​the ultimate​ ​feeling​ ​of​ ​isolation.​ ​While​ ​loading​ ​up​ ​one​ ​of​ ​the​ ​rafts,​ ​I​ ​was​ ​stung​ ​by​ ​a​ ​scorpion​ ​on​ ​my ankle.​ ​What​ ​started​ ​as​ ​a​ ​tiny​ ​prick​ ​slowly​ ​intensified.​ ​

In​ ​my​ ​immense​ ​pain​ ​and​ ​vulnerability,​ ​I was​ ​forced​ ​to​ ​ask​ ​for​ ​help…so​ ​after​ ​10​ ​hours​ ​of​ ​feeling​ ​the​ ​venom​ ​travel​ ​up​ ​my​ ​leg​ ​farther​ ​and farther,​ ​the​ ​pain​ ​grew​ ​so​ ​intense​ ​that​ ​I​ ​finally​ ​broke​ ​into​ ​one​ ​of​ ​those​ ​super​ ​ugly​ ​cries. Convulsing​ ​from​ ​the​ ​venom,​ ​I​ ​turned​ ​to​ ​my​ ​partner​ ​for​ ​help​ ​and​ ​he​ ​simply​ ​said,​ ​“Shhhhhh!!!​ ​Stop crying​ ​so​ ​loud.​ ​I​ ​can’t​ ​sleep.”​ ​Then​ ​he​ ​rolled​ ​back​ ​over​ ​in​ ​his​ ​cot.

I​ ​could​ ​hardly​ ​breathe.​ ​Staring​ ​up​ ​at​ ​the​ ​ceiling​ ​of​ ​our​ ​tent,​ ​my​ ​face​ ​covered​ ​in​ ​snot​ ​and​ ​tears, my​ ​leg​ ​twitching​ ​from​ ​the​ ​pain,​ ​the​ ​question​ ​finally​ ​entered​ ​into​ ​my​ ​brain,​ ​“how​ ​did​ ​I​ ​get​ ​here?” “How​ ​the​ ​hell​ ​did​ ​I​ ​get​ ​here?”​ ​I​ ​had​ ​to​ ​find​ ​my​ ​answer.

What​ ​I​ ​found​ ​was​ ​what​ ​changed​ ​and​ ​continues​ ​to​ ​change​ ​my​ ​life.​ ​You​ ​see,​ ​it​ ​wasn’t​ ​the​ ​life​ ​in front​ ​of​ ​me​ ​that​ ​was​ ​the​ ​problem…​ ​it​ ​wasn’t​ ​the​ ​situation​ ​or​ ​what​ ​I​ ​was​ ​experiencing…​ ​it​ ​wasn’t the​ ​view​ ​I​ ​had…​ ​it​ ​was​ ​the​ ​viewer.​ ​It​ ​was​ ​me.​ ​It​ ​was​ ​the​ ​lens​ ​that​ ​I​ ​was​ ​looking​ ​through,​ ​living my​ ​life​ ​by,​ ​and​ ​basing​ ​my​ ​decisions​ ​off​ ​of.​ ​I​ ​wasn’t​ ​the​ ​victim​ ​of​ ​my​ ​circumstances,​ ​I​ ​was​ ​the chooser​ ​of​ ​them.​ ​And​ ​that​ ​scorpion,​ ​that​ ​goddamn​ ​nasty​ ​venomous​ ​scorpion​ ​was​ ​the​ ​very​ ​thing that​ ​pushed​ ​me​ ​from​ ​my​ ​high​ ​horse​ ​and​ ​forced​ ​me​ ​to​ ​take​ ​responsibility​ ​for​ ​my​ ​life.

I’m​ ​31,​ ​divorced,​ ​and​ ​I’m​ ​responsible​ ​for​ ​my​ ​own​ ​happiness.​ ​I​ ​am​ ​ruthlessly​ ​running​ ​the​ ​show that​ ​is​ ​my​ ​life​ ​and​ ​I​ ​have​ ​no​ ​room​ ​or​ ​time​ ​to​ ​point​ ​fingers,​ ​wait​ ​to​ ​be​ ​saved,​ ​or​ ​hold​ ​back​ ​my truth.​ ​So​ ​if​ ​you​ ​find​ ​yourself​ ​in​ ​a​ ​situation​ ​that​ ​isn’t​ ​working…​ ​maybe​ ​it’s​ ​time​ ​you​ ​ask​ ​yourself how​ ​you​ ​got​ ​there​ ​in​ ​the​ ​first​ ​place.​ ​Don’t​ ​wait​ ​for​ ​your​ ​scorpion​ ​to​ ​sting​ ​you…​ ​the​ ​answer​ ​isn’t pretty,​ ​but​ ​it’s​ ​powerful.