“I Had A One Night Stand, Got An STD And A Baby…But That’s Not All…”

mom-and-baby-hands

My name is *Jamie and I got pregnant from a one-night stand. I never imagined my life like this, but I’ve come a long way to be able to say I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m 28 years old living at home with my mom working part time & being a full time single mom. Life isn’t easy but I’m forever grateful for the gift of my child. Through the good, bad & the ugly, here’s my story.

“You’re perfect, just not for me” was pretty much the only explanation I got at the time that my best friend & boyfriend, *Mark of 3 years gave to me as we were breaking up. That breakup seemed like the end of my world. I had dated before & gone through heartache, however I literally gave this guy my heart & would do absolutely anything for him. This is why it left me so devastated and threw my life into a total whirlwind. We were on the road to marriage & I thought that we were perfect. But in one day my whole life changed.

I was really into partying growing up & always looking for answers, so I happily gave my life to Jesus at age 19 when I was introduced to Christianity. I loved it, started going to church & getting more involved. I’ve traveled the world on missions serving God through the church in 9 countries and always thought that’s what I was going to do with my life. My parents divorced when I was 7 years old & that wrecked me & caused me to make some bad choices. But now that I was walking a better road, I thought everything was going to be so different from here on in.

I’ve struggled with rejection & abandonment issues my entire life so when this break up happened, it triggered all my insecurities and wounds. I started going out & drinking a lot and although I was still going to church, I started to check out more & more and give into that heartache.

My phase of going out lasted about 2 months. I’m not going to lie, it was fun. I enjoyed myself & thought it was what I actually needed at the time. I wasn’t going to hurt anybody or go too far… so I thought. It was just a way to cope.

guy-and-girl-drinking

One regular night I went out for a friend’s birthday and that was the night everything changed. I met *Shaun, we exchanged numbers and I honestly never thought I would see him again. We got in contact about a week later & ended up hanging out at his place one night and after some drinks, we had sex. After that night I quickly realized I was way off track from where I wanted to be to say the least. I was longing to get my life back on track so I went on a missions surf trip with 4 girls from my church to Bali, Indonesia where my dad was born. It was exciting on so many levels, but as I was beginning to move forward positively in my life, I felt such opposition & knew I had to change my life.

I remember getting drunk until 4am the night before I left for Bali. I knew I didn’t really want to go at this stage,  but what I didn’t know was that my world was about to be turned upside down! While there, I had time to reflect on the past 6 months of my life & where I wanted to go. There is such power in the choices we make. I forgave & let go, was healed and ready to move on. I was even planning on moving to Bali the next February & start a life as a full time missionary.

Instead, the day I got back from Indonesia I found out I was pregnant. I was utterly stunned & shocked. My world was yet again in a total whirlwind, and I was scared, confused, and numb. I knew I had to contact Shaun. Now, I am pro-life and never thought this would even cross my mind, but given the circumstances the only thing I could think of was “what are people going to think of me?”

I’ve always let this question run my life and I just wanted to sweep this mistake under the rug & move on with my life. So Shaun & I drove to Planned Parenthood and as unsure as I was, I took a pill that would cause a forced miscarriage. That was the last time I saw him. Driving home I had immediate regrets & began crying out to God to reverse what I just did. At that moment in my life, I said to myself & God “I officially don’t care what people think of me. God, I want this baby. Please save it.”

pregnant-belly

I had to wait six long weeks to find out if it was still there. I had a doctor’s appointment at the 6th week & my mom came with me. As the doctor was doing the ultra sound, he turned the screen to us & showed us a blinking light. It was my baby’s heartbeat! He said “she’s a strong one & I’ve never seen anything like this!” Such relief came over me and I knew it was only the beginning of my journey.

In my second trimester I began embracing my soon-to-be motherhood, this growing baby & belly, and loving pregnancy. I started prenatal yoga, walking, going to church again & connecting with family and friends again who opened their arms to me and loved on me. I do not know where I would be without my mom & my community. After baby showers, ultra sounds and much preparation, time was coming close and I couldn’t wait to hold my baby girl in my arms. I had tried contacting Shaun during my pregnancy, but he never returned any emails or phone calls. So I figured I should move on and accept he would not be a part of my life.

That was, until I found out I got HPV from him & not only needed to let him know but had to do treatments to be able to have my baby vaginally. Just for the record, for those of who you don’t know the symptoms of HPV, on men it can include pimples on the penis and genital warts. I was 8 ½ months pregnant & finally got a hold of him. He cussed me out & said some of the most hurtful things I’ve ever heard in my life. His exact words, “It is in yours and that kid’s best interest never to contact me again”.

Obviously very hurt by him, I had to move on & focus on my baby & these treatments. Unfortunately, we did a few but it wasn’t enough so I had to have a cesarean. I was devastated. On top of everything, I couldn’t even have my baby naturally and had to undergo a major surgery. Again with the strength & love of God and my family & friends, I moved forward in my journey and at 12:09pm on March 5th, 2012 I gave birth to the most precious baby girl, *Grace. They laid her on my chest and we stared into each other’s eyes. It was love at first sight. Everything up to this point faded away into the background and I had all that mattered in this world finally in my arms.

single-mom

Fast forward to today, she is 14 months and life has been both extremely amazing and difficult but I can honestly say I wouldn’t change anything. She is my pride & joy & puts a huge smile on my face every day. She has such a sweet spirit and it’s incredible to see her personality develop more & more. I do not know where we would be without my mom. I work part time 3 nights a week so I have Grace all day & Grandma watches her while I’m at work.

I thought I would be an overseas missionary but now I’m a missionary in my own living room. Understandably, when my dad found out about my pregnancy, he was very upset & took it so hard we didn’t talk for 3 weeks. But eventually we forgave each other and he is so in love with Grace. He sees her every week & my relationship with my father is getting better because of her. I am finally learning more about what my life is actually supposed to look like. I am meant to be Grace’s mother, at this time, in this way. It’s the fulfillment I never knew I needed.

I read in the bible in Proverbs 16:9 that “The heart of man plans his way but the Lord establishes his steps.” Recently God has placed an amazing man in my life and we are now engaged. We are so excited to start our lives together. He absolutely adores Grace and wants to adopt her. We’ve known each other for years but like they say, “timing is everything” and it feels like things are finally falling into place for us.

The reality of being a young mom today is very tricky. It’s hard and life as you knew it will never be the same. Single friends don’t always get it and mommy friends cry with you. I’ve connected more with people I never thought I would because I’m a mom. I cannot stress the importance of community enough, even just having one girlfriend that is a safe sounding board, a place to go to, one who is real and will keep you focused & encouraged, and one you can tell anything to. I am so thankful God has put a few women like this in my life that help me carry on. I was thrilled to celebrate my second Mother’s Day this month and so grateful for my little bundle of love.

single-mom

I’ve received so many words of wisdom from people along the way but one that has stuck in my head that I not only live by, but will also tell others is to ENJOY and BE PRESENT in every stage of your life and the life of your child, even in the difficult stages. I believe that when we don’t know what’s going to happen or why it’s happening, God tells us that he loves us and has our best interests in mind so we have to TRUST that.

For me, trusting in that gives me peace. Not necessarily an answer or a way out, but peace in the midst of it knowing that He knows what He’s doing and to trust Him every step of the way. I’m learning to love the process as hard as it is. One verse I’ve held unto throughout my journey is Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Knowing this truth & promise has kept me going in the hard times.

As my journey continues, a new leaf has turned over as I just recently received a call from Grace’s biological father after 2 years. He was very apologetic and asked for forgiveness. I didn’t realize how much hurt was still in my heart and after talking with him, I forgave him & got the real closure I needed. Not sure what our next step is or what God has planned so this isn’t the end of my story. I will end this by saying “to be continued…”

Jamie & Grace

*Names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved in Jamie’s story.

25 Comments

  1. Tatiana B says:

    I was really moved by your story. It takes experiences (the good and bad) to help keep us humbled to our kids. Thank you for sharing! 🙂

  2. Thanks for sharing your story Jamie, our awesome God blesses us inspite of ourselves. I’m so thankful for the blessing of my beautiful daughter too! Amazing grace how sweet the sound!

  3. I am so proud of this young woman. She is a joy to know and is a wonderful mama.

  4. Amy Castellanos says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I pray that your journey through the ups and downs is only blessing that are slowly unraveling…. It takes a lot of guts to put your story out there because it is such personal and vulnerable situation in ones life, but I thank you because I am sure somone will read this and be enlightened by your positive outlook on life no matter the circumstances. Reading your story only made me reflect in how good God has been to me and brought me that much closure to him….. THANK YOU!

  5. Jamie, I am so moved by your honesty. What an inspiring prolife story of how a little bit of “grace” can save your life. When I meant you, you seemed like god loving spiritually woman, I had no idea of your personal struggles, but I want to say thank you. I am going through a hard time right now and your strength and story really gave me hope. I have a cousin who is going through some of your same struggles that you have faced and I hope that your story will inspire her also. Have you ever considered sharing you story or help with other young mothers facing a pregnancy crisis? I have worked with the pregnancy help center in Torrance and I’m sure they would love to have your help. Please visit there website at http://www.pchtorrance.org and I believe they a walk for help coming up. Best wishes Ali (Candice friend)

  6. Courtnie says:

    Thank you for sharing, Jamie. I think your story is truly inspiring.

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  8. Wow you are a strong woman Jamie. I don’t know if I would’ve forgiven a man who could do such a thing… however, maybe that’s why I’m very very careful from now on. Good grief, he gave you hvp! He could have given you AIDS (or any other std out there) and you still would have forgiven him? Damn!

  9. ericlynch990@yahoo.com says:

    funny how so many pro-lifer’s conveniently go pro-choice when they get pregnant.

  10. Brittney says:

    Thank You for sharing! Made me cry.

  11. I am 4 weeks pregnant and in the same situation. My partner left me after 4 years so I went partying. I met a guy and had a fling. I have told him I didn’t want to keep the baby but now I have changed my mind and I can’t go through with abortion. I don’t expect him to stay around as he has told me he doesn’t want him/her. So I’m now on my own and scared but excited. Let’s see how it goes.

    • Hey also 4weeks, just wondering how ur story turned out? Also had a one night situation (no full penetration, yep a bomber, im still in shock). I’m Christian and an usher at church, always been an ambassador for sex before marriage is a sin and here I am :(.. I am in a very dark place but Jammie’s story has she’d a bit of light.

  12. Wow that’s really awful. How could he not want contact with you?! Man, I hope I didn’t get an std or something from MY one night stand!!! = (

  13. Phoenix rose says:

    I’m so honored that you shared this beautiful story. It gives me strength, inspiration, and hope♡

  14. Thank you. I’m in almost the identical situation. It’s really hard. I’m learning to trust in Him and forgiveness is a daily thing to implement. He saves.

  15. We have the same story and I found out about my pregnancy a month after you had your baby. I have a little princess also.

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