Just in time for Pride Month, author and LGBTQ+ activist Regina V. Cates releases a powerful and timely new book: ‘The Real Conversation Jesus Wants Us to Have: A Call to Bravery, Peace, and Love’ — a fearless exploration of identity, institutional harm, and the deeply personal journey of reclaiming faith from fear and exclusion.
Raised in a conservative Christian community in Texas, Cates endured sexual abuse, rejection for being gay, and years of internalized shame. Her journey from trauma to transformation forms the emotional core of this book, which serves as a call to action for LGBTQ+ individuals and other marginalized individuals seeking healing, spiritual reclamation, and liberation.
“This isn’t a traditional religious book,” says Cates. “It’s a wake-up call. A reckoning. A roadmap back to what Jesus actually taught—unconditional love, radical inclusion, and fierce compassion.”
With the growing threat of Christian nationalism in the United States and extreme anti-Trans laws continuing to be introduced and passed across the country under the guise of religious freedom, ‘The Real Conversation Jesus Wants Us to Have’ confronts how fear-based religious doctrines have distorted Jesus’ inclusive message and caused harm to generations of LGBTQ+ people. Blending personal memoir, social commentary, and spiritual insight, this book is anything but a traditional patronizing religious text—and that’s exactly the point.
Engaging in courageous conversations on controversial topics—racism, sexual abuse, political corruption, sexual orientation, and abortion— Regina Cates calls the Church to confront the profound heartbreak experienced by LGBTQ+ people—those pushed to the margins and treated as ‘less than’ by communities that profess to follow a God of love. Though deeply wounded by religion, Cates refuses to abandon her faith—or Jesus, who never abandoned her.
In an era where religious rhetoric is increasingly used to justify discrimination, Regina’s message is a vital and timely contribution to public discourse. Her book empowers queer people —and anyone harmed by rigid dogma—to return to a spiritual life grounded not in shame, but in truth, courage, and love.
Regina is also the founder of Romancing Your Soul, an organization focused on helping people lead with compassion and authenticity. Her transformative insights—rooted in personal trauma, rejection, and ultimately self-liberation—have inspired thousands globally. With hundreds of thousands of followers on social media, Regina continues to share daily messages of love, courage, and spiritual insight.
‘The Real Conversation Jesus Wants Us to Have’ is a must-read for Pride Month and beyond—a brave and compassionate guide for anyone ready to reclaim their spiritual voice.
In an in-depth interview, here’s what Regina told us about her personal journey, her book, and the message she has for Christians today.
What prompted you to begin writing your new book?
As a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, who was raised in a fundamentalist Christian church in the southern part of the United States in the 1960s, I know what it’s like to be targeted as the “other.”
We are living in an age of deep division, fear-based rhetoric, and the cruelty that comes from making an enemy of those considered less than. Observing our social interactions, politics, and the bastardization of Jesus’ message of love your neighbor as yourself, I ask myself: What would Jesus actually say to us today?
About LGBTQIA+, gender inequity, a culture of guns and individualism, white male heterosexual privilege, abortion, war, environmental destruction, Christian nationalism, greed, corruption, racism, prisons and war as business models, the vilification of immigrants, education, and a free press, etc. I am positive he would call out those who are abusing power over people and harming their fellow human beings. He would courageously exercise tough-love and offer real-world solutions.
That is what I strive to do in this book.
‘The Real Conversation Jesus Wants Us to Have’ is my way of sitting down at the table with Jesus (a person we equate with radical inclusion, integrity, bravery, and love) to ask hard questions, and imagine solutions, about important issues we must face if we are to survive as a human species. The world is starving for real spiritual conversations. This book is the blueprint for how we can have the deep spiritual discussions necessary for us to be the positive change we want to see.
What was it like to revisit some of the experiences of your childhood, growing up as a queer youth in a conservative Christian environment in Texas?
Any process of self-assessment and looking at our past candidly is healing because facing our trauma, instead of running from it, or attempting to medicate it away, is the solution. I began the healing process in earnest with the writing of my first book, ‘Lead with Your Heart, Creating a Life of Love, Compassion, and Purpose’. My second book, ‘The Real Conversation Jesus Wants Us to Have, a Call to Bravery, Peace, and Love’ is a much deeper dive into many of the issues I struggled with growing up gay in a fundamentalist church.
It was difficult because from the moment I entered church I was vilified and hated simply for being born different. I am far from alone. All of us seem to be, in one way or another, the target of a white, male, heterosexual idea of Christianity that desires to control and dominate the rest of us. Sharing my story is a way for people who had, or are having, similar experiences of being excluded, to feel seen, heard, and worthy.
Those of us who are persecuted far outnumber those who fit into a very small box of what is considered acceptable and Christian. We need to remember exclusion goes against everything a radically inclusive Jesus stood for. We also need to stand together and share with one another the message that all of us considered “other” are not the ones who are wrong in Jesus’ heart.
Although we have seen a lot of progress for queer rights across the country, we still have a long way to go. Why is it more important than ever to share stories and speak out against discrimination?
All of us must speak out against discrimination! However, being a whistleblower is not comfortable to do for fear of being targeted because we are warned, almost from birth, to absolutely never talk about in polite society: sex, abuse, religion, bigotry, gender inequality, politics, xenophobia, slavery, human sexuality, our mental health, and much more.
At the same time, religiously and politically motivated campaigns of fear and oppression seek to limit the rights of women to choose their own health-care options, to deny the human rights of members of the LGBTQIA+ community, and to keep entrenched within society systemic racism, white privilege, male dominance, and other forms of oppression. We must be willing to be hurt by the truth – Christianity should never be used as a weapon against anyone. We have to bravely talk about this out in the open.
With so much fear, division, inequity, abuse of power, corruption, disinformation, and mayhem in the world, it seems Jesus’s request to us, to love our neighbors as ourselves, is actually very hard to live by.
Why is that? I have a theory…
Simply proclaiming oneself to be Christian and actually striving to love each other as Jesus loved us are enormously different approaches to following Jesus. Such different approaches exist because over two thousand years after his death, Western Christianity largely remains shackled to archaic, fear-based, and controlling religious dogma that does not, and never did, align with Christ’s heart or his teachings.
For many conservative religious people who don’t know how to accept or affirm queer folks, what do you hope your book will help them see or understand in a way they often don’t hear from the pulpit?
If conservative Christians pick up this book and they begin to bravely and honestly question their beliefs then I will have the opportunity to help change their heart; not their mind that does not feel. But, this book was not written for them. It was written to strengthen the heart and activism of everyone who desires to be part of the solution to the abuses of power found within institutionalized Christianity so we can actually heal our world.
There are many within Christianity who continue to be religiously indoctrinated to hate and fear (even their own children and family members) to the point they cannot hear anything that goes against what they already believe. In social psychology, cognitive dissonance is the discomfort we feel when we hold conflicting ideas, beliefs, or values at the same time. Such as, I want to love my gay child but my beliefs dictate I cannot. Because we are uncomfortable, we tend to justify our negative action or belief, rather than admit to any wrongdoing.
Like our ancestors who enslaved, persecuted, and committed genocide against people in the name of Christ, many who bear the name “Christian” still oppress others under that banner. They have no ears to hear or hearts to feel – simply a set of judgmental beliefs.
Those of us who believe in a loving God cannot be complicit in accepting abusive teachings as God’s word or God’s will. But those of us who are trapped on a dysfunctional hamster wheel of cognitive dissonance will continue to excuse, and justify judgmental, controlling, and cruel behavior.
Can you break down the term “radical inclusion” and what it means for you today?
Jesus was radically inclusive when he asked us to love our neighbor as ourselves. He didn’t say only if the neighbor looks like us, believes what we do, and is in relationship with who we think they should be. To be clear Jesus would not condone any dishonorable behavior. He absolutely would not because Christ set very strong boundaries against abuse of every kind. We must also.
When we talk about him being radically inclusive it’s because Jesus knew how it felt to be an outcast from what was considered acceptable to those with religious, political, and social power. He resonates because he was persecuted in part for accepting those who were different.
Jesus was poor, which caused him to have deep compassion for the underprivileged and hungry. He struggled to make sense of social and religious structures that kept the moneyed and powerful in charge of everything and everyone. Today we continue to wrestle with a money-is-power-and-influence idea of success, intelligence, and entitlement. Prosperity gospel is not aligned with Jesus’ teachings, at all.
Jesus resonates with some of us because, as he did, we too experience religious persecution. He was a Jew who believed in one God—a belief that went against ancient Roman religion, in which people recognized and worshiped multiple gods and goddesses.
It was the abuses of power that caused Jesus to be an especially passionate champion for the marginalized of society. His life and teachings reflect the respect he had for all people’s individual liberty and dignity. He demonstrated compassion and that we can change the world for the better; by working to see ourselves in one another to include, rather than exclude.
There are many people who are understandably scared of speaking out, especially in church settings. How would you encourage them to be bold and affirm the queer people in their lives and families?
Before you do anything, please read this book. It will give you courage and talking points. Then start a book club and if you want to speak out do so as a united front, armed with the information I share because there is strength in numbers.
Another option is to ask me to come and speak at your church. Or schedule a time to speak with me and the people you want to have join in a non-confrontational setting. I’m being serious. I’m the perfect person to help facilitate these conversations.
I wrote ‘The Real Conversation Jesus Wants Us to Have’ as my way of asking us to sit down at the table with Jesus (a person we equate with radical inclusion, integrity, bravery, and love) to ask hard questions, and imagine solutions, about important issues we must face if we are to survive as a human species.
What does it mean to you personally to find spiritual healing, and continue to hold faith as a queer person?
I don’t believe we ever achieve complete spiritual healing. However, we can do two things, everyday, that help us find healing while continuing to grow faith in something greater than ourselves.
First, we accept we cannot reason with unreasonable people. When we drop a let’s fight fire with fire egocentric mentality we are able to surrender to a higher wisdom that allows us to be heart motivated. To behave in ways aligned with integrity, regardless of how other people choose to behave.
Second, we can admit what we don’t know. The fifth-century Greek philosopher Socrates encouraged people to focus on becoming aware of and responsible for our ignorance. He believed the beginning of wisdom was an awareness of one’s own ignorance. When we admit our ignorance about ourselves, other people, history, science, etc., we open ourselves up to expanding our understanding rather than proceeding through life with a closed mind.
All things are designed to change and grow, including our spiritual beliefs and practices. We have the duty to allow—even to encourage—our heart and soul to evolve. Only by asking questions of ourselves and being open to advancement and transformation do we improve intellectually and technologically from generation to generation. Growing our soul-understanding works the same way.
For people outside the church who just assume the Christian church is predominantly against LGBTQ+ rights, can you tell us about some queer faith leaders we should know about?
Zach Lambert, (my friend and straight man who is an LGBTQIA+advocate)pastor at Restore Austin is cofounder Post-Evangelical Collective, and author of Better Ways to Read the Bible.
Bishop Yvette Flunder, Presiding Bishop of the Fellowship and senior pastor for the City of Refuge United Church of Christ.
Guthrie Graves-Fitzsimmons, is a leading voice in calling for a more just world under the Trump administration through The Resistance Prays.
Professor Anantanand Rambachan, a Trinidadian Hindu-American is Professor of Religion, Philosophy and Asian Studies at Saint Olaf College in Minnesota.
Professor Joy Ladin, of Yeshiva University is the first openly transgender professor at an Orthodox Jewish institution.
The Rev. Naomi Washington-Leapheart, is an ordained minister affiliated with the Fellowship of Affirming Ministries.
The Rev. Dr. Nancy Petty, is an activist pastor at Pullen Memorial Baptist Church in Raleigh, North Carolina.
Rabbi Denise Eger, president of the Central Conference of American Rabbis.
Urooj Arshad, the director of the International LGBTQ Youth Health and Rights Programs at Advocates for Youth.
Rabbi Rachel Timoner, is the senior rabbi of Congregation Beth Elohim, a Reform Jewish congregation in Brooklyn, New York.
Brandan Robertson, an acclaimed evangelical leader working at the intersections of spirituality, sexuality,and social renewal.
How would you push back when people in the church say things like “love the sinner, hate the sin”?
It is important to acknowledge an arrogant attitude does not originate from our spiritual side, even when our egotism convinces us we are obeying God’s word or doing God’s work. Ego’s haughtiness is condescending and sarcastic—“God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” Or “Love the sinner but hate the sin.” Ego loves pithy zingers but hates to be challenged in any depth.
It is not God’s will but human judgment that seeks to put someone else “in their place.” God only cares whether we behave as the eternal soul we are, an ambassador of love who treats all people and life as we want to be treated. And following the Golden Rule means we do the right thing, even when other people choose not to.
Why is it important that we see more religious leaders take a stand in affirming queer folks, especially young queer folks?
First, religious leaders must be open and willing to examine and change their own beliefs – God is male, women are to be subservient, Christianity is God’s chosen religion, people of color are less than people who are white, rich is better than poor, and the list goes on. My book asks all of us to look at detrimental beliefs that even open and inclusive followers of Jesus pass on as acceptable. They are not.
This is a fine line because institutional religion as a whole is the problem since it perpetuates ancient beliefs about LGBTQIA+ people based on seven clobber verses in the Bible. When we actually have the courage to educate ourselves to ancient practices that were the basis for Bible verses still being used today to shape and defend Christians’ judgmental view of homosexuality and more, then we must admit the whole system needs a drastic overhaul.
The problem for many religious leaders is they believe the Bible is the infallible word of God, with no regard for cultural or historical context. Just as male, White, Eurocentric scholarship has dominated Biblical interpretation for the past several centuries.
I believe people like me who are pushing against the entire belief system of institutional religion are the ones who must bravely challenge everyone in the system to look at themselves and what they are promoting in the name of God and Jesus.
That is what I do in ‘The Real Conversation Jesus Wants Us to Have’.
What is your message to the queer person reading your book who may be afraid of coming out to their religious family and community? How would you encourage them to be brave but also prioritize their safety?
Ask yourself what is my motivation for sharing? If you want acceptance for your sexuality, that is to me, not the right motivation. If you want to live an authentic life, regardless of the response you receive, and are willing to walk away from your religious family and community, then be authentic. We have to prioritize our safety over our need to be accepted by those who are supposed to love us unconditionally.
I share in this book that at age eighteen I could no longer deny who I was, so I told my parents I was gay. With the intention of “curing” me, they sent me to a physician who sexually molested me. Then I was locked in a psychiatric hospital because they thought I was depressed. Of course I was depressed. I had just been sexually violated, and the two people who were supposed to love me unconditionally told me I was going to hell and had broken their hearts.
I am deeply blessed to share a happy ending to this part of my story, as Mom (who passed away at almost 100 on August 1, 2024) and Dad (almost 102) are two of my biggest fans and best friends. Faced with the truth of who I was born to be, they eventually came to a place of unconditional love by bravely questioning their beliefs. When they did, they found love to be stronger than fear. However, they may be the exception.
‘The Real Conversation Jesus Wants Us to Have’ provides the talking points and ammunition needed to have meaningful conversation with anyone who is respectful and open. It provides acceptance for who we are as LGBTQIA+ people. But we must always remember we cannot open the minds of those with closed hearts.
That is why we must surround ourselves with like-hearted people. We must join with our Black and brown sisters and brothers, immigrants, followers of other faiths, to be united as powerful love in action. This unity will bring about lasting positive change in the world.
You can buy a copy of ‘The Real Conversation Jesus Wants Us to Have: A Call to Bravery, Peace, and Love’ on Amazon. Learn more about Regina’s work on her website, subscribe to her Substack, and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.
