By Lyle Solomon
Let’s talk about something no one prepares you for: how to navigate the impossible tension between wanting to be generous and needing to survive financially. You’re probably no stranger to the unspoken expectations women often carry when it comes to money. Be generous. Be accommodating. Don’t be difficult. Don’t be the one who makes it about finances.
And maybe you’ve paid for it literally.
If you’ve ever stretched your budget thin to keep up with friends, loaned money you couldn’t spare, or stayed quiet about your debt while pretending everything was fine, you’re not alone. It’s exhausting. And it’s no way to live.
But here’s something you need to hear: protecting your financial peace isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. It’s a survival skill. And if you’re buried in credit card bills, suffocating under medical debt, or stressing over a mortgage that feels like a second job, you owe it to yourself to set boundaries and get help.
When Saying Yes to Everyone Else Keeps You in Debt
You might not even realize how often you say yes out of guilt. A group trip you can’t afford? Sure. A friend who needs to “borrow” cash again? Okay. Chipping in for the office gift? Of course.
But each of those yeses chips away at your financial security. And when you’re already carrying debt especially as a woman navigating a system where wage gaps, caregiving responsibilities, and financial gaslighting are still very real those small decisions add up fast.
Maybe while you’re paying for someone else’s brunch, your credit card debt is stacking interest. Maybe while you’re co-signing someone’s loan, your own medical bills are sitting unpaid.
And it’s not sustainable.
Your Debt Doesn’t Define You
First things first: if you’re carrying debt, you’re not a failure. You’re not irresponsible. You’re not a cautionary tale. You’re a human being in a system that wasn’t built for women’s financial ease.
Women especially single moms, caregivers, and marginalized groups are statistically more likely to carry debt, particularly credit card and medical debt. Between lower pay, career interruptions, and cultural expectations to be the helper, it’s no surprise so many women silently struggle with money shame.
But debt is a circumst
How You Can Start Taking Back Control
It won’t happen overnight, but you can start reclaiming your financial life right now. Start by taking inventory of what you owe. Yes, it’s scary. Yes, it might make your stomach drop. But you can’t fix what you refuse to face.
Then, explore debt relief options. And no these aren’t scammy ads you scroll past online. They’re real, proven financial tools that can help you breathe again:
- Debt Snowball Method: Tackle your smallest debts first, then roll those payments into the next. It gives you a series of small, satisfying wins and builds momentum.
- Debt Avalanche Method: Pay off the debt with the highest interest rate first (usually credit cards), saving you more money long-term.
- Debt Consolidation Loan: Combine multiple high-interest debts into one manageable loan with a lower interest rate. This simplifies your finances and often reduces total interest costs.
- Credit Counseling: Work with a certified, non-profit credit counseling agency. They can negotiate with creditors on your behalf and set up a debt management plan tailored to your income and expenses.
- Medical Debt Forgiveness: Many hospitals and clinics offer income-based payment plans or financial assistance programs. The worst they can say is no and chances are, they won’t.
- Mortgage Refinancing or Modification: If your mortgage is crushing you, talk to your lender. You might qualify for refinancing or a loan modification to lower your payments.
These aren’t quick fixes, but they’re legitimate steps toward getting your head above water. And you deserve that.
Why You Need Financial Boundaries Now
Debt relief is only half the battle. The other half is learning to say no to the people, places, and expectations that keep you in financial stress. And for women, that means unlearning some deeply ingrained habits.
You don’t have to co-sign anyone’s loan. You don’t have to split a bill you can’t afford. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for saying, “That’s not in my budget.”
Saying no is about protecting your future. It’s about refusing to sabotage your debt repayment progress because you’re afraid someone might think you’re cheap or difficult. And guess what? Anyone worth keeping in your life won’t judge you for setting financial boundaries.
Managing Debt Without Guilt
Debt can mess with your identity. It makes you feel small, embarrassed, isolated. But you’re not the only one. So many women are carrying silent debt — and the shame that comes with it. The antidote to that shame is transparency, honesty, and boundary-setting.
Start small. Maybe it’s skipping one expensive dinner. Maybe it’s telling a friend you can’t lend money right now because you’re focusing on your finances. Every time you choose your financial health over guilt, you take your power back.
And when you finally feel that first debt paid off, or see your emergency fund reach three digits, you’ll realize you don’t owe anyone financial self-sacrifice to prove you’re a good person.
No Is a Financial Survival Tool
Remember this: “No” is free and it can save you thousands, both in dollars and in stress.
Saying no doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you smart. It protects your future. It teaches people how to treat you.
At first, it might feel uncomfortable. Turning down a friend’s request for a loan. Skipping out on a pricey girls’ trip. Opting out of an office pool. But those few moments of discomfort are nothing compared to the long-term relief you’ll feel when your finances finally stabilize.
And over time, people will adjust. The ones who don’t? Well, maybe those relationships needed reevaluating anyway.
You Deserve Financial Peace
You get to decide what financial freedom means for you. Maybe it’s paying off every last credit card. Maybe it’s building an emergency fund. Maybe it’s not feeling sick every time you check your bank balance.
Whatever it is you deserve it. You’re allowed to pursue it unapologetically. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to put yourself first. You don’t owe your peace of mind for anyone else’s convenience.
Debt happens. Life happens. But staying trapped in guilt and obligation isn’t your only option. Not anymore.
And the freedom you’ll feel when you finally stop letting guilt dictate your spending? That’s priceless.
Lyle Solomon has extensive legal experience, in-depth knowledge, and experience in consumer finance and writing. He has been a member of the California State Bar since 2003. He graduated from the University of the Pacific’s McGeorge School of Law in Sacramento, California, in 1998 and currently works for the Oak View Law Group in California as a principal attorney.
