Navigating Cultural Differences In Marriage – A Journey of Adaptation and Resilience

By Farzeen Khan

Marriage is often viewed as a union between two individuals, but in many cultures, it is also a significant merging of families, traditions, and lifestyles. For women, particularly those from rural areas and specific communities like the Muslim community in India, this transition can be especially challenging. When a girl comes from an ordinary family and achieves higher education, finding a suitable match often becomes a significant concern. The challenge multiplies when she has to marry away from her home, sometimes even crossing state borders, leading to the complexities of adjusting to a completely new cultural environment.

This blog post explores the challenges of navigating cultural differences in a joint family setup, particularly for women who move far from their native regions after marriage. Drawing from personal experience, this discussion will highlight how food diversity, dressing sense, hosting guests, traditional customs and practices, and child nurturing can significantly affect a woman’s mental, emotional, and overall well-being in her new family.

The Cultural Gap: A Difficult Journey

In many cases, when a woman from a rural area marries into a family from a different state, the cultural gap is stark. The differences can be overwhelming, from language barriers to distinct customs and practices. While education might prepare a woman to navigate the professional world, it often does not equip her with the tools to seamlessly integrate into a completely different cultural environment.

For many women, including myself, who have pursued higher education and are accustomed to a certain level of independence, marriage into a traditional joint family can feel like stepping into an entirely different world. The expectations, the way of life, and the daily routines can be vastly different from what one is used to. This cultural shock can affect a woman’s mental and emotional health, as she may feel isolated, misunderstood, and overwhelmed by the new environment.

Food Diversity: More Than Just a Meal

One of the first challenges I faced after marriage was adapting to the food diversity in my new family. Coming from a specific culinary background, I was used to certain flavors, spices, and cooking methods. However, my in-laws’ family, hailing from a different state, had a completely different food culture. The meals were prepared differently, the ingredients used were unfamiliar, and even the mealtimes and dining etiquette were new to me.

Adapting to this new culinary environment was not just about developing a taste for different foods; it was also about learning to cook in a way that pleased my new family. This was particularly challenging because food in many cultures is not just about sustenance but is deeply tied to identity, tradition, and family bonding. The pressure to get it right, to cook dishes that I was unfamiliar with, and to cater to the tastes of my in-laws was immense. This seemingly small aspect of daily life became a significant source of stress and anxiety, affecting my confidence and sense of belonging in the family.

Dressing Sense: A Reflection of Identity

Another significant challenge was adapting to the new dressing sense in my husband’s family. In many Indian families, especially those with traditional values, the way a woman dresses is seen as a reflection of the family’s honor and culture. My previous wardrobe, which was perfectly acceptable in my natal home, suddenly seemed out of place in my new environment.

The expectation to dress In a particular way—wearing certain types of clothing, adhering to specific standards of modesty, and even the way I carried myself—was overwhelming. It wasn’t just about changing clothes; it was about embracing a new identity, one that aligned with the values and expectations of my in-laws. This transition was challenging because clothing is deeply personal and tied to one’s sense of self. The pressure to conform to new dressing norms made me feel like I was losing a part of my identity, further adding to the emotional strain.

Hosting Guests: The Art of Hospitality

In a joint family, hosting guests is a frequent occurrence, and the responsibility often falls on the women of the household. This was another area where I faced significant challenges. The way guests were entertained, the kind of hospitality expected, and the role I was supposed to play were all new to me.

In my natal home, the approach to hosting guests was more relaxed and informal. However, in my in-laws’ family, there were specific customs and expectations around hosting that I was unfamiliar with. From the type of meals to be served to the way I was expected to interact with the guests, everything was different. The pressure to perform well in these situations was intense because, in many cultures, a woman’s ability to host guests is seen as a reflection of her upbringing and her suitability as a wife and daughter-in-law.

This added another layer of stress to my daily life, as I was constantly worried about making mistakes or not living up to the family’s expectations. The emotional toll of trying to meet these standards was significant, as it often felt like I was being judged not just on my ability to cook or serve, but on my overall worth as a member of the family.

Traditional Customs and Practices: A New Set of Rules

One of the most challenging aspects of adapting to a new cultural environment is navigating traditional customs and practices. In many joint families, these customs are deeply ingrained and are followed with great reverence. As a newcomer, understanding and adhering to these practices can be daunting.

In my case, the traditional customs in my husband’s family were vastly different from those I was used to. There were rituals, ceremonies, and daily practices that were completely new to me. The way festivals were celebrated, the customs around religious observances, and even the daily routines were different. The pressure to participate in these customs correctly and with the same level of devotion as the rest of the family was immense.

This was particularly challenging because, as someone who was used to a different set of practices, I often felt like an outsider, trying to fit into a world that was foreign to me. The fear of making mistakes or offending someone unintentionally added to the stress, making it difficult to fully embrace the new customs.

Nurturing a Child in a New Environment

One of the most significant challenges I faced after marriage was how to nurture my child in this new environment. As a mother, I had my own ideas about parenting, shaped by my upbringing, education, and personal beliefs. However, in a joint family, parenting is often seen as a collective responsibility, with everyone having a say in how a child should be raised.

This difference in parenting styles led to frequent conflicts and confusion. I wanted to raise my child in a way that aligned with my values, but I was also expected to follow the family’s traditions and practices. This often left me feeling torn between my instincts as a mother and my role as a daughter-in-law. The emotional toll of trying to navigate this delicate balance was immense, as I constantly worried about whether I was making the right choices for my child.

The Silent Struggle: Coping with Cultural Expectations

In many traditional families, there is an expectation that a woman should not express her struggles openly. This silent expectation to adapt without complaint added another layer of difficulty to my experience. The inability to voice my concerns or seek support when I was feeling overwhelmed made the adjustment process even more challenging.

The pressure to maintain a calm and composed demeanor, even when I was struggling internally, took a toll on my mental health. The fear of being judged or labeled as “difficult” or “not adjusting” made it difficult to seek help or even talk about the challenges I was facing. This silent struggle is something that many women in similar situations experience, as they try to navigate the complexities of cultural adaptation in a new family.

 A Journey of Adaptation and Resilience

Navigating cultural differences in a joint family setup is a journey that requires immense patience, resilience, and adaptability. For women who marry into families from different cultural backgrounds, the challenges can be overwhelming. From adapting to new food habits to embracing different customs and traditions, the journey is fraught with difficulties. However, it is also a journey of growth and learning.

While the challenges are real and can take a toll on one’s mental and emotional well-being, they also provide an opportunity to develop a deeper understanding of different cultures and to build stronger relationships with one’s new family. Over time, with support and understanding from both sides, it is possible to find a balance that respects both the old and the new, allowing for a harmonious and fulfilling life in the joint family setup.

Dr. Farzeen Khan

Dr. Farzeen Khan is an Assistant Professor in the Department of Political Science at Shree Guru Nanak Degree College, Uttarakhand, India. Her research expertise is in Women’s studies, with a focus on women prisoners, women’s well-being and gender-related issues. Dr. Khan has authored several research papers and contributed chapters to edited books related to her expertise. Her goal is to promote a deeper understanding of the challenges faced by women and to inform policies and practices that support their empowerment. You can see more of her work online at khanfarzeen.blogspot.com.