What would it look like to live a life without regrets? To arrive at your last breath and be 100% satisfied with what you did throughout your time on earth? Would it mean checking off every item on your bucket list? Achieving monumental success? Generating wealth? Or would it simply mean that you made the most out of every living moment, leaving behind a legacy you can be proud of? What about getting to the end of your life and NOT being afraid of death?
If you are someone who thinks about what it means to live without regrets and are looking for ways to implement this mindset today, let us introduce you to a woman whose mission it is to empower people with the knowledge and tools to get the most out of life AND die happy. Dead serious!
Meet Jodi Wellman – a former corporate executive turned executive coach, a UPenn trained positive psychologist, the founder of a business called Four Thousand Mondays, and the author of the new book ‘YOU ONLY DIE ONCE: How to Make It to the End with No Regrets‘ (May 7, Voracious).
Since its release, Jodi and her book have garnered significant attention, including this recent insightful conversation on The Rachel Hollis Podcast.
‘You Only Die Once’ is the jolt that will bring you back to life, no near-death experience required. Full of practical takeaways and research-backed content, this book will motivate you to take action on the life you want to be living, acting like a defibrillator for the soul.
We all know how short life really is, and wanting to make the most of every second we have, we knew we had to speak with Jodi about the daily habits she swears by, what it means to contemplate death without fear, and the specific way she does NOT want to be remembered. If you are interested to learn how to “make it to the end with no regrets”, as her book touts, keep scrolling below to see what Jodi told us.
Tell us about ‘You Only Die Once’ – how did the idea first come about and what did you hope to achieve by writing this book?
I’m so glad you asked about death! (But let’s be clear: ‘You Only Die Once’ is really about living like we mean it before we bite the biscuit.) I have always been fascinated by how temporary we are, and how we can maybe use that to our advantage. Turns out, according to psychology science and research, we can! I did my master’s thesis (in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania) on “memento mori” (remembering we must die) and I wanted more than anything to transform if from an academic snoozefest into a relatable, action-oriented, irreverently fun book (that happens to house about 100 of my doodles).
I want people, after completing the pre-mortem at the start of the book (and any of the ~39,743 self-reflective questions throughout the book) to really look at their lives and get clear on what it might mean like to live with astonishing aliveness. I want readers to feel unbelievably motivated by their mortality.
What is the mission behind Four Thousand Mondays, and what kind of significant changes do you hope people will make in their lives from this mindset?
My mission at Four Thousand Mondays is for us to “wake the F up to life.” We’re busy. We’re tired. And we’re deferring our lives for “later,” or we’re slipping into autopilot and taking life for granted. I know I do. We need reminding that we’re finite, and it’s when we stop avoiding this crappy inevitability that we can really start to grab life by the horns.
Research shows that women tend to be more open to contemplating death. Can you tell us why this is?
Great question. Most psychologists believe it’s because women tend to be more emotionally expressive with more elaborate social support networks in place—as compared to men. We’re better able to articulate that we’re worried/ curious/ inspired/ shitting our pants/ open … which in turn helps us process our emotional experiences. Having friends to download to allows this to happen, so we’re less likely to bottle up fears or deny the topic of mortality in the first place.
What are some of the most effective habits we can implement into our lives to get the most out of each day, and achieve our long-term goals?
Habits are double-edged swords, those little buggers. I take the stance that habits and routines dull the edges of our lives, flick that autopilot switch on, and rob us of the chance to feel alive … because we become highly functioning zombies that “go through the motions of life.” Ouch, right?! I’m not an animal; I get that some habits are helpful (like grooming, getting the kids out of the house in the morning, etc.) but I do recommend regular “routine rumplers” that spice things up.
Take a new route to work. Try a new workout every now and then. Order a new dish at your favorite restaurant. Read a totally different kind of book. Maybe that’s the habit: make a habit out of busting up your habits, even just a bit more.
Achieving more doesn’t necessarily mean doing more, leading to burnout and exhaustion. How can resting and prioritizing downtime be a key component of how effective we are in life?
This is such a great point! I talk a lot about living an “astonishingly alive life” and it might lead people to think it’s about having a chock-full, whirlwind, you-only-live-once-so-stuff-it-alllll-in kind of life. Ugh. That’s exhausting even to think about. The trick, I believe, is to keep your finger on the pulse of how you’re feeling. Sometimes living an alive life means unplugging and having a fabulous Netflix marathon with all the yummy foods you can order in and try not to spill on your couch. Tune into what you need and honor it.
Many people live with regrets and don’t know how to overcome them. How do you advise people to look at regrets differently?
Regret research can be helpful here. When we regret things we did (regrets of commission), our discomfort tends to soften over time. Anticipate that and let yourself off the hook. The regrets to watch out for are the “paths not taken” (regrets of omission); write a list out of things you’d regret not having done (if you were to die tonight), and there you have an action list I call “pre-grets”… regrets-in-the-making that we can deliberately course-correct today. If you’d kick yourself for not finishing your degree or not going skydiving or not entering that hot dog eating contest, you still have a chance to do those things. Halle-hot-dog-lujah!
How do meaningful connections with colleagues, family members and friends make a huge impact in determining our path in life?
Social and positive psychology research is overwhelmingly clear that relationships are crucial if we want to like our lives. One of the founders of positive psychology—Dr. Chris Peterson—once distilled the essence of well-being and thriving as “other people matter; there may be no happy hermits.” High quality connections with others can help us build resilience, boost our perceived life satisfaction, and our life expectancy. Who doesn’t want to live longer? Especially if it means getting to have brunch with friends?!
We often think about ways we’d like to be remembered in life, but can you tell us how you would NOT like to be remembered?
This is a big part of legacy research! Sometimes we’re more motivated to avoid leaving a negative legacy than to pursue a positive one. I’d roll over in my proverbial grave if I was described as unkind, disengaged, and an energy vampire.
What are the biggest mindset shifts you work to implement in people’s lives, especially after they read your book?
I love the idea that YODO (You Only Die Once) can help readers wake up to live in a new and invigorated way … after tapping into what really matters, and what choices would be the most alive-inating in a precious, limited-time-only life. We get to choose how we spend our remaining Mondays, in large part. Let’s make sure they are squander-free Mondays, right?
Each of our circumstances are different, and factors such as health, finances, and geographical location can determine a number of outcomes in life. How can we find happiness and fulfillment despite these factors?
Research demonstrates that around 40% of our sense of happiness is totally within our control. Fifty percent is genetic, so we’re hardwired to be optimistic or pessimistic … happy or pissy. Only 10% of our perceived life satisfaction is from circumstances, even though we can attribute more of our experience of being alive to circumstances. This takes us back to agency, that we are largely empowered to design our days, weeks, years, and lives.
What are some of the habits and hobbies you personally swear by, that bring you joy everyday?
I am nerdy so I have a calendar where I slot in things to look forward to. We need something to positively anticipate with a week, a month, and a year, and that’s do-able. I’m looking forward to pizza on Friday, a fun client session in a few weeks, and a long weekend getaway in wine country with The Husband by the end of the year. Done! I also have a “what makes me happy” list that I look at regularly to make sure I’m filling my calendar up with those things… simple things like brushing our cranky cat, Andy … watching birds in the backyard with binoculars … making banana coconut cream pie … and eating said pie. Life’s too short to not eat the pie.
Get your copy of ‘You Only Die Once’ HERE, and head to the Four Thousand Mondays website to learn more about Jodi’s work. Follow Four Thousand Mondays on Instagram.
