Stop Trying To Have It All! Focus On Having “Your” All Instead

By Dr. Jane Goldner

Eight Things Young Women Need to Know to Get YOUR All

I coach women leaders from 25 to 50+ years of age. A common theme is…How do I juggle it all? Some women are married with children. Some are just starting their careers and imaging what a successful professional and personal life look like. Sheryl Sandberg had some pearls of wisdom in her book, Lean In. Two particular ones I like are:

1. Don’t leave before you leave, meaning don’t imagine that you can’t have YOUR all.
2. The most important decision you will make in your adult life is who will be your significant other.

To those two pieces of wisdom, I would like to add mine from my new book, Women Driven to Success: You Can Have It YOUR All.

1. First understand that there is no universal ‘it all.’ Role models are fine to learn from but adapt what works for you. Don’t try to live someone else’s life.
2. Define your Core (your personal mission, vision and values) against which every decision is made. Your Core provides focus so that you don’t shotgun around trying to find the right path. Or worse yet, let someone else define your all.
3. Be clear about your priorities and, therefore, the right significant other relationship for you.
4. Choose a significant other that aligns with your right relationship. (Don’t think, “I’ll change him after we are together.” Nobody changes anyone else. People change because they want to change.)
5. If you already have a significant other and want the relationship to be different, then learn the skills of negotiation and constructive confrontation. They work at home as well as at work.
6. Develop the rest of the six essential tools to make “your all” happen: a personal support system, delegation, mentors and sponsors, and networking. You will need them all for success.
7. Understand that life is about choices and tradeoffs. Some of us have more choices than others but we all have choices with associated tradeoffs. Regardless of what some may say, no one has it all.
8. Forget work-life balance. It is achievable right after world peace! Work is a role you play in your life so choose role integration instead.

Good luck on your journey to discovering and getting YOUR all.

Jane S. Goldner, PhD is a three-time author, keynote speaker, executive coach and consultant to corporations on leadership and women’s issues. You can follow her on Twitter: @TheGoldnerGroup and check out her website The Goldner Group.