As every effective leader knows, how you say something can be just as important as what you say. In workplace emails, poorly chosen words—whether intentional or not—can create tension, especially when passive-aggressive phrasing sneaks in.
As the medium of email has matured, employees have become used to seeing warnings appended to the emails they send and receive: warnings to protect against waste (Do you really need to print this email?), security breaches (This email originated from outside of the organization) and looking silly (You may have forgotten to attach a file), for example.
But one of the most harmful characteristics of the common work email is less about human error or bad actors and more to do with institutionalized snark: passive-aggressive language.
Out-and-out rudeness is discouraged in the workplace, and communication and conflict resolution training are an afterthought for many companies. And so, it has become an automatic response to disguise disagreement or disapproval with lukewarm niceties. Passive-aggressive phrases like “As you are, no doubt, aware…” or “Respectfully…” may work as a corrective in the short run, but they also plant the seeds of resentment. And they stand in the way of building the kind of constructive dialogue that characterizes many successful business families.
Of course, it’s also possible to be passive-aggressive without even realizing it — or to appear passive-aggressive even if you’re just trying to be polite! This is why Mailsuite has created a new early warning tool to help you transform passive-aggressive comments in your emails into constructive prompts with a simple Google Chrome extension.
Passive-aggressive email statistics
When Mailsuite asked 2,000 Americans if they had received passive-aggressive work emails/work communication during 2024, these are some of the staggering statistics they found:
- Nearly half (47.69%) of American workers have received passive-aggressive emails in 2024.
- The vast majority (86.09%) of these passive-aggressive emails came from within the recipient’s company.
- 32.35% of female workers and 38.41% of male workers received passive-aggressive emails from colleagues — more than from Middle or Senior Management.
- 27.96% of Gen-Z workers received passive-aggressive emails from Senior Management — more than any other age group.
- Gen-Z workers are nearly four times more likely than Senior Management to receive a passive-aggressive email from a prospect.
- Millennials (24.83%) and Gen-Z (24.73%) are more likely to receive passive-aggressive emails from clients than the older generations of Gen-X (17.77%) and Baby Boomers (13.24%).
These findings underscore a growing communication gap, especially in remote and hybrid work environments, where emails often lack the nuance of face-to-face interaction.
To tackle this issue, Mailsuite created a Chrome extension which identifies nearly 100 common passive-aggressive phrases and suggests constructive alternatives to improve workplace communication.
The common passive-aggressive phrases you should remove from your emails (and what to say instead)
Mailsuite’s Passive-Aggressive Emails Fixer tool is a powerful way to upgrade your email performance. But to make it even more powerful, use the tool as a coach to help you figure out when particular phrases might come off as snarky — and why.
In many cases, passive-aggressive communication comes from softening the language used to express a need or feeling. But since the original intention still comes across — e.g., “If that’s what you want to do…” clearly means “I can’t stop you from doing it though I wish I could” — this lack of transparency stimulates distrust. The disagreement (aggression) is very obviously wrapped up in forced politeness (passiveness). Perhaps counter-intuitively, it can be less offensive just to be direct — and if you can be constructive at the same time, all the better: e.g., “What do you think of [alternative] instead?”
When the email finds you well
As every effective leader knows, how you say something can be as important as the content of what you say. This is true both in verbal conversation and written communication. But at least when writing an email, you have the opportunity to pause and redraft your sentences before you click. With our Passive-Aggressive Emails Fixer tool onboard, you can be sure to say exactly what you mean — and hopefully inspire positive developments in response.
The Mailsuite team gathered 10 of the most common types of passive-aggressive phrases in the guide below, along with why they can raise heckles in the workplace and what to type instead. To learn how to install the Mailsuite Chrome extension, head over to the website.
[This article was originally published at Mailsuite.com, and republished and adapted here with permission.]
