It has become glaringly obvious that we don’t do enough for mothers here in the United States. Between the motherhood penalty that showcases the worst type of gendered wage gap, the fact that we are still the only industrialized nation not to offer a national paid leave policy, and research showing how unaffordable childcare is for families across the country, it’s clear we have our work cut out for us as a nation. And we haven’t even begun to discuss the way abortion rights and reproductive healthcare rollbacks are directly impacting maternal health, but the data exists and it shows we are heading in the wrong direction.
So what does it look like to honor mothers and show our appreciation for them in a way that goes beyond empty Mother’s Day commercial platitudes, amidst the ongoing social and political challenges?
One way to show moms how much we care is by giving them time to themselves to do the things they enjoy, like sip on their morning coffee or have some uninterrupted time to themselves. Truly, it is the least we can do, and with so much opposition to the wellbeing of moms, solitary time can be a gift in the storm. So the team at Solitaire Bliss set out to find where in the U.S. moms are getting the most peace and quiet.
They surveyed moms across the country asking a variety of questions from the actual amount of free time they get, how they like to spend that alone time, how satisfied they are with the amount of time they get, and more.
Using these responses, they applied scores and ranked states to show where moms are getting the most and least peace and quiet. Read on to see how your state ranked.
Key Takeaways
- Moms in Minnesota get the most peace and quiet in the U.S.
- Moms in Kansas get the least peace and quiet in the U.S.
- Almost half of moms (42%) wish they had more time to themselves.
- On average, 1 in 4 moms have less than two hours to themselves each week.
- Half of moms wish their spouse/partner helped with chores more often.
- If they have to ask for help with chores or tasks, 70% of moms say they’d rather just do it themselves.
- When it comes to moms’ peace and quiet, 86% say they need it for their mental health, while 73% need it to remain happy and positive.
Where Moms Get the Most Time to Themselves
Moms are often dubbed superheroes due to their unwavering commitment to and selfless acts they perform for their families. But we have to go beyond the empty platitudes that don’t value mothers in a wholistic way. Part of recognizing their full humanity and not only viewing or valuing them based on their service to others is understanding how time can be such a limited commodity, one which they would like to spend more of doing something for themselves.
While life can feel hectic to anyone, juggling a career, family, and personal time can cause many women to feel overwhelmed at times. So where in the country are moms getting a break most often?
Coming in first with a peace and quiet score of 94.8 out of 100 is Minnesota. On average, mothers in the state get about 9.7 hours of free time a week, the second highest behind Pennsylvania. Moms in Minnesota are the most likely to feel they get more time to themselves compared to other moms.
In second place is Pennsylvania where moms are the most satisfied with the amount of effort their families put in to ensure mom gets a break. Following closely behind with a score of 91.9 in third place is North Carolina. Overall, 67% of moms in the Tar Heel State are satisfied with the amount of time they get to themselves.
On the other end of the spectrum, moms in Kansas get the least peace and quiet with a score of 73.8 out of 100. Kansas ties for third with California for the least amount of free time moms have per week at 6.1 hours on average, only behind Arkansas (5.2) and Kentucky (6.1).
In second place for the least alone time is Florida where nearly 2 in 5 moms wish their families put forth more effort so the household responsibilities didn’t fall on their shoulders as often. In third place with a score of 74.5 out of 100 is Kentucky. In the Bluegrass State, 1 in 3 moms feel they get less time to themselves compared to other mothers.
Overall, moms in Colorado, Pennsylvania, and Texas are the most satisfied with the amount of free time they have, while women in Oregon, Arizona, and Louisiana are the most unhappy. Whether you live in a state where moms are happy or not, each person is different, so try asking your mom or partner how you can help to lighten their load.
Our study found that 70% of moms say if they have to ask someone for help with chores or tasks, they’d rather just do it themselves. So by splitting up the to-do list, you can allow that special woman in your life more time to do the things she enjoys.
The Activities Moms Enjoy Most During Their Free Time
So now that we have explored where moms have the most time to themselves, we decided to find how mothers spend that time. Leading the way as the most popular activity women like to do during their free time is watching TV or movies. While there are plenty of kid-friendly shows and movies, sometimes parents want to catch up on the latest shows that are for a more mature audience.
The second most common activity moms enjoy is catching up on sleep. It is common for people without kids to assume sleep deprivation is isolated to those with newborns, but most parents run into this issue throughout their children’s lives.
As kids get older they gain interest in extracurricular activities like clubs and sports. Early morning practices and late-night games can play a hand in the lack of sleep parents can get. Experts suggest that a 20- or 30-minute nap can help parents to feel refreshed, but be sure to nap before 3 p.m., as a later nap could interfere with your bedtime.
Next up on the activities list is personal care, with 1 in 2 moms saying this is their favorite way to spend their alone time. From a visit to the nail salon to enjoying a long hot bath, there are many ways to unwind while taking care of your body and mind.
Another way to focus on physical health is through exercise, which is how 35% of moms like to spend their time. Rounding out the list of activities are spending time with friends and family (30%) shopping (28%) and going out to eat (16%).
After finding the activities moms enjoy most, we wanted to learn when they have the time to do these things. Overall, weekend mornings and evenings are the most common time during the week that mothers have to themselves.
On the other hand, weekday afternoons are the busiest times for moms with Tuesdays and Thursdays offering the least free time.
Main Reasons Why Moms Need Peace and Quiet
So why is peace and quiet so important for moms? For 86% of women, alone time is crucial for their mental health. From juggling the busy schedule to the pressure of doing everything right, it is common for many women to experience depression, anxiety, and overall mental exhaustion.
Those experiences tie into the second most common reason (73%) for mothers as they feel alone time helps them to remain happy and positive. Next up on the ranking is a tie, as 45% of mothers say they need peace and quiet to recharge their social battery and catch up on sleep.
In addition, nearly 2 in 5 women say this time is crucial to their self-rediscovery. For some moms it can be difficult to do the things they like and express themselves the same way they did prior to having children. Through this self-rediscovery process, many mothers seek new activities and ways to enjoy their alone time to feel that their entire life is not fully dedicated to just being a mother.
Finally, 1 in 4 moms say it’s important to have free time so they explore new experiences. From trying that new brewery that opened in town to starting a new hobby, having this free time allows mothers to do the things they want as opposed to putting their desires on the back burner.
Give Mom a Little Solitude
If you are guilty of relying on mom and preventing her from having much free time, it doesn’t have to stay that way. Try asking her how you can help. Sometimes the simple offer or words of gratitude can go a long way.
By understanding how important unrestricted time is for everyone to thrive, we can make space for the mothers in our lives to enjoy the freedom to take care of themselves more often. And that can start with a little bit of peace and quiet!
For more info head to Solitaire Bliss to see the full report.