By Kayla Thompson
Why are girls always seen as the emotional ones in the relationship?
Expressing our emotions has been seen as a negative thing. Young women are still viewed as “too sensitive” or “over the top” in showing how they feel. We need to relax because we’re “doing too much.” That we should also water down our personalities because if not we won’t be accepted.
This feeds into how we express ourselves in fashion and our personal style; because we have a certain mold to fit in. And in the workplace we aren’t offered the opportunity to feel bold enough to speak up. What if we decided to tear those barriers down? What a difference we could make in the world if we weren’t afraid of being considered “too much”…
Flashback with me to the weekend of my 25th birthday. I paced around my room deciding whether or not to call and finally ask him what he wanted. I was in one of those basic will we-won’t-we situations with a guy I liked. I was so anxious and nervous about putting out there that I wanted to be in relationship. Because I knew in my gut he didn’t want what I wanted. And if I were to be straightforward and ask what he wanted, I would be the one doing too much and taking it that deep.
I did end up calling…but to break things off completely. If simply wanting to be in a relationship was “doing too much” he SIMPLY didn’t deserve an ounce more of my time.
That was the first time I recognized that fear of being “too much” in most areas of my life. I constantly downplayed myself to be more palatable or acceptable for someone else.
We have all had this moment. When something as simple as losing your remote has you bursting into tears. The loss of your TV remote right before you turn on the newest episode of ‘Euphoria’ is not the reason you broke down in tears. It was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. You’d probably been ignoring whatever was really upsetting you.
I wish we felt safe to express our emotions in healthy way. Even within myself I try not to be too emotional. I’ll get upset or feel like crying, and tell myself “Kayla, relax, it’s not that deep. There’s no reason to be that upset.”
But I have learned the beauty of embracing my emotions. And how healthy it is to know there is a safe space for us to express those because they’re needed in the world.
Next question, have you ever been getting ready to go out to dinner with friends or hang with friends, and thought to yourself “I don’t need to wear that, that’s too extra”? I’ve definitely been there.
I’ve found myself preparing an outfit for a show and saying “let me not do too much, it’s not that serious.” I guess because I don’t want to be seen as over the top or drawing too much attention to myself, because I didn’t see myself as worthy of that spot light or attention.
But why shouldn’t I? Why shouldn’t I want to draw a little bit of attention with what I put on. Fashion is an expression of who I am and I should be confident in who I am. I found that this was another way that I hide and dim my light. Because I shouldn’t think of myself bigger than I ought to…where does that come from? I’ll let yo ruminate on that.
On the last season of ‘The Bachelor’, there was a contestant named Ariel. Ariel was a gorgeous, tall, brunette woman who had this mystery to her. It was clear that she was often defined by her looks and sex-appeal and not who she was on the inside.
But throughout the season this wittiness, humor and endearing quirkiness come out of her. She talked about hiding her full personality in past relationships because she was afraid of not being accepted by her partners. She thought maybe her sense of humor and quirks would be too much for someone. The crazy thing was, her personality endeared her to the Bachelor, she surprised him and he was more attracted to her than he was before. It was a testament that the right person will know you and accept you for your true self including your personality.
I actually think hiding our personality breeds the opposite result we want. How can we find who we are meant to be with if we aren’t being our true selves? How can we know who our real friends are if we aren’t being our real full true selves?
Letting your guard down with people can be scary. Letting them see the real you can be scary too. Yes, there is a possibility that they may not fully get you or accept you. But letting your guard down for the right person is so worth it.
All the corporate women: show of hands if you have felt the need to dilute yourself at work? Maybe you are aware that if you show too much of your personality, you’ll be seen as unprofessional? Or maybe you didn’t feel confident that your boss or co-workers would want to hear any of your ideas?
So you probably just came in, put your head down and did what you were told. Because otherwise, it’s a little “too much” and you should probably not ruffle any feathers at work.
But what if we felt bold enough to speak up and share that new idea you’ve had! What if it ends up shifting the culture of the company? Or getting your team that big client? If you’re an artist like me, letting your emotions to lead you, could help you create something beautiful and inspire someone else.
How much more beautiful and full could life on Earth be if we allowed ourselves to fully express our emotions, our personal style, and our ideas in the workplace. We could add so much to the world. And we could do so much good for ourselves in fully accepting all of who we are, including our emotions.
We aren’t too much, we are just enough.
Kayla Thompson is a rising indie pop singer-songwriter whose music empowers and uplifts women – and people – of all backgrounds. Her lyrics reflect the internal dialogue of a 20-something-year-old as she experiences heartbreak, success, and the ever-flowing changes of life. Aside from music, she’s a pop culture commentator on social media and entertainment platforms like Shared News. Kayla’s upcoming EP, out this summer, takes her sound to a new level as she welcomes this new, mature style all while staying true to the Kayla fans have fallen in love with.
You can listen to her new single (out now) “Too Much” and follow Kayla on Instagram.
