You Are Good Enough – My Journey Overcoming Addiction & Perfectionism To Love Myself.

By Crystal Hampton

They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So why is that so many of us women can not see the beauty inside ourselves? We pick apart our every flaw, imperfection, and shortcoming we have and beat ourselves up daily! We would never say the things we say to ourselves to anyone we care about! That would just be downright mean! So why on earth do we talk to ourselves this way?

My whole life I was pushed to be the very best at everything I did. I am talking from the day I was born! I was expected to crawl and walk before the normal age that babies do these things. Oh and the day I was really low on the growth chart was one I still hear about to this day! This is one of those funny things though because it was devastating to my mom they projected that I would not get above 5 feet tall, and today at 37 years old I stand at 5’7. So clearly there was no need for all the distress.

This was the mold and expectation that would follow me for the rest of my life. If I wasn’t the best, then clearly I was the worst. I was desperate for love and approval. I quickly learned that being perfect and the best at everything gave me this, although it was fleeting and exhausting. I always felt I was being held to this unrealistic goal and nothing I ever did was good enough.

My struggles with perfectionism ran deep. I felt I was never good enough. Never smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, and the list goes on. I was constantly searching for who I was. When I went away to college the pressure of my studies, working, and keeping up appearances was too much for me to handle. While cramming for a exam one night my roommate offered me an Adderall. I had no idea what it was but she told me it would help me study so I fell into the rabbit hole.

Adderall is a prescription drug used to treat ADHD, and is a stimulant. I quickly learned how to manipulate doctors to get my own prescription even though I did not have ADHD. I thought it was an innocent way to help me study for hours on end, kill my appetite, keep me thin, work, and do everything perfectly. Within a couple of months I was heavily abusing the prescription medication and found several different doctors to give it to me a month.

I was heavily addicted to the stimulant and would stay up days on end. My brain had turned to mush and I was so thin and weak I could barely stand. I barely graduated from college and it became impossible to keep up appearances and it became clear to everyone that I was a full blown addict.

My tolerance and dependence grew worse everyday and I would have to take more and more everyday to be able to get the same effect as before. Because of this I was burning through the three prescriptions I had from three different Doctors in a week. The withdrawals were so bad and I was desperate. I had never done cocaine in my life and swore I would never do hard drugs.

That all changed one day. I was desperate. I had no idea where to get coke so I drove alone to the bad part of town and started asking anyone standing on a street corner if they had some. After about three attempts I found someone who did. He got in my car and we drove to a isolated parking lot. He taught me how to snort my first line. That was it. My habit quickly turned from a $20 a day habit to a $150 a day habit. I couldn’t function without it and started stealing to support my addiction.

It took a month and a half for my life to be completely ruined, not like there was much of one to begin with. I had spent mine and my roommates rent money on coke and were evicted, I totalled my car, was homeless, and had lost all contact with my family and friends. I couldn’t handle what I had become. I didn’t know any other way out, and attempted to take my own life.

I thank God everyday I was not successful and it was the wake-up call I needed. When I was discharged I entered a outpatient cocaine rehab treatment center. I then began working on and completed my steps with a sponsor, and found a strong support with the women in AA. They loved me until I could love myself. I am now able to give back what I was so freely given to me. No matter what your journey has been there is always a beautiful new life waiting for you. Recovery and sobriety saved me and has given me a life beyond my wildest dreams!

Crystal Hampton is a 37-year-old avid writer from South Florida. She loves snuggling with her teacup Yorkie Gator and boyfriend Adam. She works for a digital marketing company that advocates spreading awareness on the disease of addiction. Her passion in life is to help others by sharing her experience, strength, and hope.

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