According to a 2023 report on the benefits of social and emotional learning (SEL) in children ages K-12 by Yale Child Study Center’s Christina Cipriano, PhD, students who participated in SEL programs do better in school, academically and socially. The report looked at studies in more than 50 countries from the past decade, and it confirmed the conclusions that have long been touted by proponents of SEL learning.
Additionally, students who participate in SEL programs showed improved social and emotional skills, attitudes, and behaviors, such as student self-esteem, perseverance, and optimism, among others. They also feel better in school, reporting less anxiety, stress, depression, and suicidal thoughts.
The mental health aspect of SEL is especially important in the lives of developing adolescents, and it is something that award-winning author Rayne Lacko centered in her new YA novel ‘The Secret Song of Shelby Rey’, out now through SparkPress. Rayne is also an expert in SEL and through the company she founded, SEL Solutions Pre K-12, she trains educators to integrate social-emotional learning into classroom settings. As a mother and an educator, Rayne knows that having a diverse toolkit for parenting is essential, and fiction can be a key ingredient to raising strong, emotionally intelligent, and confident kids.
‘The Secret Song of Shelby Rey’ explores the vulnerable and confusing time in a teen’s life when they transition to adulthood. Eighteen-year-old Shelby Rey has a secret superpower: she can hear people’s deepest emotions and truths, in song form, just by touching them. But in a world where everyone guards their secrets, her gift feels more like a curse.
Life has been hard since she lost her dad, and it reaches a new low when she gets kicked out by her drug-addicted mom. Shelby’s life hits a turning point, however, when she meets Zac Wyatt, a chart-topping rock star with a hidden side only she can hear. Swept into his world of fame and music, Shelby forms an electrifying connection with Zac that she can’t resist.
But darkness lurks beneath the spotlight. Zac’s jealousy of his bandmate Stanford, a troubled musical genius, threatens to destroy everything—and when Shelby uncovers Stanford’s devastating truth, she faces an impossible choice that could shatter their world. In a whirlwind of love, betrayal, heartbreak, and injustice, Shelby must find the courage to listen to her own inner song.
We had the opportunity to speak with Rayne about writing ‘The Secret Song of Shelby Rey’, and why music and writing can be powerful tools in a social and emotional learning environment for youth.
When did you begin writing “The Secret Song of Shelby Rey”, and where did you draw inspiration from, in real life?
Shelby was a long time coming! I originally conceived the idea in the early 2000s, planning to set it in the 1990s. While writing, I imagined the story as a movie and “directed the action,” capturing each scene on the page.
I first envisioned Shelby as a character who responds to childhood trauma by wearing headphones everywhere and speaking only in song lyrics. As I researched lyrics for dialogue, I confirmed the hypothesis that first sparked my interest in Shelby’s story: there is a song for everything, for every emotion. When our own words fail, when we struggle to articulate what we’re feeling, there’s always a song that captures it exactly.
Of course, using actual song lyrics would create a copyright nightmare, but it proved a fascinating exploration that motivated an entire manuscript. Living in Southern California at the time, I was also curious about the behind-the-scenes world of the music industry.
The core themes of mental health and addiction are not easy topics to write about, but they are so important, especially in the life of a teen or youth. Why was it important to you to focus on these issues?
Whether it was our grandparents cranking up the transistor radio or contemporary teens wearing headphones daily, music is vital to young people. It’s how teens often manage their emotions, navigate issues, and find like-minded friends.
Research shows that music therapy provides measurable benefits for cognitive, emotional, and social functioning across all ages. From lullabies that soothe newborns to familiar songs that comfort aging patients with dementia, music transcends barriers that divide us.
In my novel, 18-year-old Shelby finds her voice through music because it offers what traditional communication couldn’t—a safe space to process complex emotions. For teens struggling with mental health and addiction, that safe space can be life-changing.
Music plays a key role in Shelby’s gift, and it is something that has also impacted your writing and expertise in social and emotional learning and teaching. Can you share more about the impact of music in your work?
Everyone has their own personality, history, and private triumphs, and I incorporated magic realism to capture that unique blend—what Shelby “hears” in song form when she touches other people.
When I first began writing, my aim was to capture what it means to truly feel music. Shelby felt too broken to speak for herself, so listening to music soothed her and understood her. The more she released herself to the enormous variety of songs available, the more she relied on music to say what she couldn’t find words for.
At the time, I didn’t realize I was describing the miracle of music therapy. I was also teaching creative writing to students in grades 6-12, creating exercises to help them access and articulate their characters’ feelings. The results astounded me—since most young writers were putting their characters through dilemmas they were privately facing, the teens were essentially helping problem-solve each other’s personal struggles.
What I’m getting at is that creativity allows us to express what is too painful to say directly. This led me to create more channels of self-expression for diverse young people—writing, music, dance, poetry, fashion. That project blossomed into ‘Dream Up Now: The Teen Journal for Creative Self-Discovery’ and later ‘My Life Journal’.
People often ask if I’m a musician after reading my novels, but my personal form of creative self-expression is making thought-provoking activities that help people understand their emotions. We are all naturally creative, and regardless of age, being creative gives us delight—even when grappling with darker emotions like anger, disappointment, or fear.
As an expert in social-emotional learning, can you summarize what this is, and why more teachers, educators and parents should also know about it?
That’s a great question! Social-emotional learning (SEL) teaches us first how to identify our emotions—what they feel like, what they’re called, and how to express them safely—and also how to recognize emotions in others and respond appropriately. Second, SEL teaches us how to relate to other people while managing our own emotions and acknowledging that others have their own feelings.
What that means is SEL is about community. If we’re going to live, learn, work, and play with other humans, SEL is essential for getting along with one another. It builds strong self-awareness and respect for others.
It’s my belief that all emotions are valuable and teach us about ourselves. What I like to teach is how to acknowledge and manage difficult feelings, and how to cultivate the kinds of feelings we want to have more often. People are often surprised when they glimpse the power of deciding how they want to feel. For example, confidence is a learned skill.
I encourage parents to get involved if they want to raise calm, confident, self-aware children who are compassionate to others. I encourage educators to integrate SEL if they want a community of students who value cooperation, empathy, and kindness while managing the challenges of focus, emotional self-regulation, and a frequently changing school day.
Why is social-emotional learning not more integrated into typical classroom settings? Why does numeracy and literacy always seem to be priority over it?
There are math and literacy benchmarks, it’s true. But here is some good news: social-emotional learning (SEL) may not be universally mandated by federal law, yet nearly every state has policies that encourage or require SEL in their schools. What’s interesting is that SEL actually helps improve academic scores and builds positive attachment to school.
A key nationwide focus is serving culturally diverse students with varied abilities and motivations, particularly those “lacking social-emotional competencies and those who become less connected to school as they progress from elementary to middle to high school” (Durlak et al., 2011). Studies show that lack of connection negatively affects student health, behavior, and academic performance, while significant research demonstrates that practical mastery of social-emotional competencies is associated with greater well-being and better school performance (Durlak et al., 2011).
The effects of high-quality SEL “can last for at least six months and up to 18 years, provided students are given opportunities to practice SEL skills throughout the school day, in academic work and personal interactions, in and outside of the classroom” (Iasevoli, 2022). As Hoffman (2009) explains, “”SEL can help address various forms of inequity and empower young people and adults to co-create thriving schools and contribute to safe, healthy, and just communities.”
Without effective training in emotional vocabulary, complex emotions may manifest as stress, anxiety, or physical symptoms like stomach pains, nail-biting, or hyper-vigilance. They may also appear as anger outbursts, focus issues, withdrawal, or decreased energy (Cohen, 2022).
SEL encompasses five core competencies:
- self-awareness
- self-management
- social awareness
- relationship skills
- responsible decision-making
Whether entering first grade, navigating middle school, or moving toward adulthood, these skills will play a prominent role not only in school but throughout adulthood in the workplace and at home. Our relationship with ourselves and others will be with us daily, our entire lives.
What are some of the long term benefits we see in especially younger kids, when social and emotional learning is prioritized? Can you paint a picture of a child’s future that has a solid SEL background?
Introducing SEL activities to younger grades creates benefits that compound throughout a child’s K-12 journey and beyond. “SEL advances educational equity and excellence through authentic school-family-community partnerships to establish learning environments and experiences,” says Diane M. Hoffman in her peer-reviewed journal article, “Reflecting on Social Emotional Learning: A Critical Perspective on Trends in the United States.”
Picture a child who learns early that when challenging emotions arise, they have tools to manage them. When a student engages in creative SEL and makes something—a reflective journal entry, a drawing, a playlist, or a workable plan—disturbing emotions have a safe space for release. This creates more positive feelings and better interactions with educators, parents, and peers.
Now imagine that same child as a teenager who can navigate peer pressure, academic stress, and identity questions with resilience. As an adult, they enter the workplace with strong relationship skills, self-awareness, and the ability to collaborate effectively. Students learn coping skills by exchanging time wasted on emotional stress for creative social-emotional engagement.
The long-term picture is a person who can regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, solve problems collaboratively, and maintain healthy relationships throughout their life. They become the adults who create calmer, more cooperative environments wherever they go—and those results are contagious.
How can parents become better equipped to provide a SEL environment for their child if they are not receiving it in school or elsewhere?
I’m a firm believer in social-emotional journaling, and I encourage parents to find guided journals for their children and for themselves. There’s a misconception that SEL is for kids; social-emotional learning is deeply healing for all ages, including aging adults facing end-of-life crises. If you’ve ever interacted with another person and it didn’t go flawlessly, SEL can help you learn how to uphold respect for yourself while also respecting another person’s feelings.
I’ve made so many mistakes and put my foot in my mouth so many times that I’m painfully aware of the need to know myself well enough to fearlessly say what I mean, while recognizing cues in others so I can care for their well-being.
SEL journals for kids are plentiful, though admittedly there are fewer available for adults. If a parent can’t find one they like, I’d recommend picking up a duplicate of the journal they buy for their child. In ‘My Life Journal: Make Today Awesome, and Plan a Better Tomorrow’, there are daily reflection pages that allow young children to track their moods, take self-inventories, determine areas of deep gratitude, and plan for how to make the next day better. These are tender activities for young children, but they’re profound for adults.
The journal also includes Micro Goals—goals that can be completed in under 24 hours. For many adults living a fast-paced family life, shorter, easy-to-complete goals are deeply satisfying and create a habit of achievement in a world where to-do lists frequently go unfinished.
As Shelby learns to accept her own gift and understand that feeling deep emotions can be a source of power, what advice would you share with readers, parents and educators who may not recognize the importance or power of harnessing emotions?
It’s painful to watch young people struggle with the big emotions of growing up. From what I’ve observed, young people aren’t afraid of “harnessing emotions”—in fact, they’re wildly curious about their feelings and often turn them around in their minds for hours, examining them.
Here are three important steps:
- Teach kids and teens to build an emotional vocabulary—to know how to identify feelings and what to call a feeling when they have it.
- SEL skills help teach kids and teens to deal with a difficult feeling head-on by learning safe methods of expressing it until it deflates or dissolves.
- SEL skills also help kids and teens learn to cultivate the kinds of feelings they prefer to experience, such as courage, confidence, worth, value, happiness. These joyful feelings can significantly improve a young person’s self-respect and self-love, which in turn positively affects relationships and even their grades.
Anger, rage, hurt, shame, pain, and grief do not go away when ignored, but relief is available in the form of creative play. Offer activities that allow young people to express their pain using their inherent creativity—writing (a poem, story, song, rap, eulogy, whatever!), dance, sports, drawing, singing, playing an instrument, redecorating their room. When that difficult feeling is given an exit, it can come out without causing more damage.
Similarly, SEL teaches kids how to cultivate the feelings they want to have more often. In my self-guided journal, ‘Dream Up Now: The Teen Journal for Creative Self-Discovery’, every “dark” emotion is paired with its “light” complement. Once the reader finishes expressing a challenging feeling, they can shift to cultivate its opposite, moving from darkness into light. Learning to create feelings of worth, courage, confidence, and value are powerful skills for people of all ages.
You can order a copy of ‘The Secret Life of Shelby Rey‘, out now. Follow Rayne Lacko on Instagram, check out her website, and get familiar with her company SEL Solutions Pre K-12.
