[TW: Mention of child sexual abuse]
There is a saying, “you never know what people are struggling with behind closed doors”. We often look at the happy people around us, or the smiling, seemingly-perfect faces we see on TV and think “they have it all”. But the reality could be very different, and journalist-turned-author Maya Golden understands this on a personal level.
At age 30, Maya Golden was living a charmed life. She was an Associated Press-winning and Emmy-nominated multimedia journalist and sports reporter, a loyal wife and a new mom. Privately, she was battling addiction, perfectionism, dissociation disorders and rage due to sexual abuse endured at the hands of her cousin and many other predators. But Maya wants to change. So, on a family road trip back to her Texas hometown, she is ready to put an end to the secrets that threaten her marriage and her career.
Three separate moments of divine intervention ultimately saved Maya’s life. From a suicide plan to a treatment facility to launching a nonprofit organization — Maya’s story in ‘The Return Trip’ (Nov. 14, Rising Action Publishing) chronicles and dissects her journey to find purpose out of the trauma.
Alongside her on-screen achievements and launch of her new book, Maya is the founder of the 1 in 3 Foundation, a non-profit organization that provides recovery and counseling resources to survivors of sexual trauma with little to no income in East Texas. She speaks as a survivor for organizations such as the Children’s Advocacy Center, Court Appointed Special Advocates and Kids Aspiring to Dream.
In an interview with us ahead of the release of ‘The Return Trip’, Maya shares more about the reason for writing her memoir, why she has chosen to be an outspoken advocate for issues such as Complex PTSD, and how media can play an important role in empowering more survivors to come forward and share their stories.
What was the catalyst that made you want to write your memoir?
When I began sharing my story as a public speaker almost ten years ago, I was astounded by the number of survivors who approached me afterwards to say they had experienced sexual abuse or sexual assault and how much they related to the coping mechanisms I discussed. The key takeaway for me was that they felt seen and heard by someone sharing their own experiences and had several “yes” moments or epiphanies.
I realized, as prevalent as sexual violence is (1 in 3 women have experienced physical or sexual violence according to the World Health Organization), there was a need for a book that was open and honest about what happens to a girl when she develops the core belief at a young age that she exists for the pleasure of other people.
As I started to try and research and find more books, especially those dealing with sex addiction and perfectionism, I found many self-help books or books written about sex and porn addiction aimed at helping men. I decided to write the book I was looking for to continue to help other women feel less alone.
Writing about themes such as child sexual abuse and addiction can’t have been easy. How did you prepare yourself mentally and emotionally to go back into your past for the book?
It was a struggle. I will not sugarcoat it. Despite doing my best in preparing for the writing process and revisiting traumas and my best and lowest moments as a human being, to put them on the page vividly and authentically is very difficult. Before I even began writing, I lined up regular appointments with my counselor. This wasn’t just for the writing process but also the publishing journey. There is quite a bit of rejection on the path to publishment and it can be hard not to take that rejection personally when it is such a personal story. It’s not a character, it’s you.
Having the support of family, a base of good friends, a positive writing group, and the support of mental health professionals was so crucial in giving me an outlet. I also had to give myself breaks. Writing about trauma, you feel it physically and mentally. Allowing yourself time to focus on something other than such heavy topics, giving yourself breaks to do something enjoyable or calming are also important. For me, meditation and exercise were helpful but so was writing about something unrelated to the memoir or trauma.
You talk about 3 specific moments of divine intervention that saved your life. Can you give us a sneak preview of what those were?
Without any spoilers, I can say there were significant sign posts that my life was not to end in the way I believed it would. I also felt a call to action to help other survivors. It has been my purpose to find meaning from the pain of my childhood, and providing care and healing to other survivors is one way I feel better about each day.
How has your journalism career been shaped or influenced by what you experienced in your own life?
My life experiences helped shaped my journalism career both for good and bad. The downside I would say is my perfectionistic tendencies. My extreme drive to succeed and to tell impactful stories, at one point and time, it led to burnout in my career. But in other ways, my childhood helped me to think outside of the box and to be fearless. Daydreaming/dissociation were often ways for me to mentally escape the trauma, but it’s also been the reason I develop many story concepts or approaches to stories.
I also felt empowered to take up space where traditionally I would not have. My career has been heavily in sports journalism and working around men. Despite the trauma of sex abuse, I found myself wanting to excel and speak up as a woman in the field. I think it’s important to continue to open doors for other women and survivors in professional spaces.
Can you tell us about the non-profit you launched and what it does?
The 1 in 3 Foundation provides counseling and support services to survivors of sexual trauma with little to no income living in East Texas. I took the name from the WHO statistic that 1 in 3 women will experience physical or sexual violence in their lifetime. After I left a treatment facility, something chronicled in ‘The Return Trip’, I knew I had been fortunate to receive the kind of care to provide me with healing. I didn’t want any woman to not receive that type of life-changing support because of finances.
Eight years later, our organization is still thriving and for the second year in a row we received a best nonprofit award. I am proud and humbled by the work we do. At the heart of our mission, we believe that the 1 in 3 women who will experience sexual abuse or sexual assault during their lifetime deserve meaningful and crucial access to support.
But a culture of shame persists—along with financial and social barriers—in standing between survivors as the care they deserve. As advocates for women recovering from sexual abuse and assault, the 1 in 3 Foundation exists to remove the barriers to healing from trauma.
What is it like to see movements such as #MeToo and #TimesUp become mainstream? How do you think this has changed the way survivors speak out?
I think at the very beginning of both movements, they brought awareness to the shared experiences of survivors and enabled the joining of hands globally with other survivors. I believe in the early days of both movements, we saw not only an increase in survivors speaking up, but also accountability for perpetrators. Unfortunately, almost six years later, I feel the consequences we saw at the height of these movements has changed.
The public perception and stigmas still cultivate silence. But survivors should not feel discouraged by this. In fact, it is still extremely powerful to say “me too” and we have learned that when society chooses to stand with survivors, real change can happen. I only wished the impact had been longer lasting and broader. The MeToo Foundation and many other organizations and advocates continue to do great work beyond a trending hashtag.
With TV shows like ‘I May Destroy You’ and ‘Promising Young Woman’ also tackling sexual assault in a nuanced, personal way, how does media play a role in further conversations and understanding about this issue?
These films and television shows are critical in furthering the conversations about mental health and the impact of sexual abuse and sexual assault. Michaela Coel, creator and writer of ‘I May Destroy you’ said to “write the tale that scares you.” I believe these honest depictions are needed because sexual violence is an all-too-common atrocity in the world.
I think the media depictions help in building the community of survivors that help us all feel less alone. My only hope is that depictions not only reach survivors, but also perpetrators, so that those who may consider inflicting harm can see the consequences of their actions.
In your book you talk about your struggle with faith and a higher power because of what you experienced, something that may be common among others. Why was it important for you to share this?
I grew up in the South and religion is as much a cultural norm as a Black girl, as it is a societal expectation. It can be very hard to wrap your head around a God that allows harm and abuse to happen, especially to children. My rage often centered around trying to understand why an innocent child was subjected to something so malicious and life-altering. The unanswered question I had was, “Why?” I think many survivors feel this way and never get a satisfying answer.
I still struggle with this. For that reason, I thought it was important to include it in ‘The Return Trip’. Amongst the themes of the book is a journey to wholeness—mentally, physically and spiritually.
You are a proponent of getting Complex PTSD recognized in the medical profession. Can you explain more about this?
The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), the book used by mental health professionals, recognizes Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as a diagnosis but Complex PTSD is a bit of an asterisk. While it’s been acknowledged that people who experience multiple traumatic events in their lives or trauma over prolonged time periods may display symptoms more intense or beyond what you see with PTSD, it’s still not officially a medical diagnosis.
There is a push to change this by many in the medical communities and grassroots community advocates. I support this because in addition to the sex abuse and assault, I witnessed or experienced other traumatic events in my life. Survivors often do experience other traumas and it’s unfortunate this is not “officially” recognized for the sake of providing them better care through insurance or other means.
In the last few years, with the pandemic and national political events, we have all experienced traumas in some ways and it’s been compounded. These were stressors that had no clear end in sight, and I think it’s important to acknowledge that CPSTD is prevalent.
What do you hope readers, and especially survivors of all genders, will take to heart after reading ‘The Return Trip’?
My hope is for that very thing, hope. I hope that any reader gains insight into the manifestations of trauma and a greater understanding of self if they are a survivor. For friends, family and loved ones of survivors, I hope they understand that some of the behaviors shown by the person they care for are beyond their control until they are able to seek treatment and help. I hope the book is insightful but offers optimism that healing is possible.
Yes, it is a difficult process and there can be continued struggles, but we were meant to live joyful lives. We are more than the crimes that happened to us at the hands of someone else, and we deserve the lives we dream of. If this book can provide hope to those suffering or the ones who are trying to provide them with healing, then this entire journey will be everything I have tried to achieve.
You can pre-order a copy of ‘The Return Trip’ by Maya Golden, follow Maya on Instagram, and learn more about the advocacy she does through the 1 in 3 Foundation.
