How A Lesbian Chat Room Helped Me Not Be Ashamed Of Coming Out & Embracing My Sexuality

For the purpose of this article, names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved.

The internet is an unforgiving place, especially when you’re a young girl who is still trying to find herself.

My name is Erica. It wasn’t too long ago that I had discovered that I wasn’t like my sisters. I didn’t want to go out on dates with boys like they did. I wasn’t curious about having sex or anything like that. Instead, I hung out with my best friend, Lily, who was one of the popular girls.

I didn’t realize that I was a lesbian until I was about 16. Lily and I had gone swimming in the creek behind her house, much like we always did when it got to be almost 100 degrees. The day was like any other day. We were gossiping about the latest celebrity scandal and we were having fun. When we went down to the water, things changed.

Lily jumped in first and I jumped in after. We were splashing around and having fun like usual. Except, something came over me and I kissed her. Oh boy, that look on her face… It was as if I had killed her kitten right in front of her! She was horrified. She pushed me away and said I was sick and that I was to never come near her again.

As hurt and confused as I was, I couldn’t help but watch her climb up the ladder on the dock and feel something… Intriguing about her. I stayed in the water a little longer — long enough to make sure that she was gone so that she couldn’t see my blood shot eyes.

The next day at school was the worst. At first, it started like any other day. People didn’t really pay attention to me and I was able to go about my day like usual. That is until 5^th period gym class.

Like most high schools, we had to change for gym class. I went to my usual spot in the locker room where Lily and I shared a locker. I changed into my gym clothes, locked everything up, and went out to the gym to wait for class to start. Shortly after, the girls came out of the locker room laughing. I didn’t think anything of it because it wasn’t unusual for them to do that.

Gym class finished and we all went back into the locker room.

That’s when it started. I went to my locker and saw the word ‘Dyke” scrawled all over the door in black sharpie. I opened the locker and found that my clothes had been covered in lotion and the stuff in my book bag was thrown in the garbage. My phone was smashed and what little money I had was gone.

I never felt so small in all my life. I heard the girls laughing and talking about me and I couldn’t think straight. I was humiliated and it was all Lily’s fault.

It’s almost like the news of the locker room fiasco spread throughout the school like wild fire because everyone I passed either had something horrible to call me, or were laughing and making a kissy face. I hurried out of the school, leaving everything behind.

I spent most of the rest of the day hiding out in my room. I put my headphones on and blasted my music as I looked up what it meant to be gay, signs of being gay, and anything else I could think of. I felt so alone and like the one person who was supposed to be there for me and help me through the high school drama, completely turned her back on me. She was the source of this drama. If only I hadn’t kissed her…

Through my search to find some kind of understanding of what was going on, I found a lesbian chat room and I was curious. I didn’t know what to expect when I logged into the chat room. At first, I just sat back and watched lines of text scroll up the screen. That is until I received a message from as user named GeorgiaRed, “Why don’t you say hello to everyone? We don’t bite.”

I don’t know what it was, but something about her made me feel like I could open up. And I did. I told her everything that had happened that day. I told her that I didn’t know if I was gay or if I was curious. It was all so confusing and I felt lost.

I never knew how just seeing comforting words on a screen could make me feel better until GeorgiaRed told me that everything was going to be okay. She told me of her own “coming out” story and what it was life for her. She reassured me that the rest of the world wouldn’t be as hateful as my classmates.

GeorgiaRed didn’t give me any advice about how to handle the next day at school, but when I logged off from that chat room, I felt a little better because I knew someone, somewhere, know what I was going through and they sympathized. Sometimes, that’s all that anyone needs — a little understanding.

Although we have come a long way in the LGBTQ community, it can still be a vert stressful time to come out to friends and family. If there is anything I have learned from going through this experience it is to find a community that supports you, whether that is an online support group, a local organization or simply someone who will help you feel less alone. There will be people who think differently of you, shun you, or even try to make you feel like there is something wrong with you and that you must change.

The most important thing to know is who you are, and that you are valuable and important. Please don’t feel ashamed of coming out and sharing your authentic self with the world. Just know you are not alone.