Let’s Talk About Sex…With Someone Other Than Your Partner?

Whether we’re distracted by an ever-growing to-do list, thinking about an ex-partner, or just anxious about whether the sex is good or not, it’s not uncommon for our minds to drift while having sex. 

With this in mind, UK-based sexual wellness brand Lovehoney has conducted research to get to the bottom of what people are really thinking about when they have sex. They surveyed over 2,000 adults to find out their most common sex thoughts, and to reveal just how sexually satisfied we really are.

80% of people are worrying about how good the sex is while having sex 

The survey has revealed that the most common thought to have during sex is about whether the sex is good or not, with 80% of people admitting to being distracted by this in the bedroom.

Almost two-thirds of people (61%) have also admitted they are thinking about all the things they want their partner to do, that they don’t do already. This is the second most common thought, meaning there’s work to be done when it comes to communication. Thoughts about improving your sex life aren’t uncommon, as 52% of people also think about wanting to include sex toys while having sex with a partner. 

Whether they’re hoping it lasts for hours, or are wanting to get to the good part quickly, the third most common thought is about how much longer the sex is going to last, with over half of respondents (53%) admitting to being distracted by this while having sex. Perhaps unsurprisingly, 53% of men also think about how to refrain from finishing too quickly, while 57% of women are focused on when they might get to orgasm. 

It’s also not uncommon to be distracted by our daily lives while having sex. 29% of people have admitted they often think about what household chores need doing, 27% are planning their next meal, and 24% of Brits are even thinking about work.

36% of people have fantasized about having sex with someone else while having sex with a partner

If you’ve ever felt guilty for thinking about someone else while having sex, the research has revealed that you’re definitely not alone. Almost two-in-five (38%) of respondents have thought about a person other than their partner during sex, and 36% have actually spent the time fantasizing about having sex with someone else. This differs slightly between men and women, with just 27% of women admitting they think about having sex with someone else, compared with 36% of men. 

Over a quarter of people (26%) are unsatisfied with their sex lives 

The research has also revealed that over a quarter (26%) of people have admitted that they’re unsatisfied with their sex lives and that sexual dissatisfaction actually increases with age. Only 11% of those aged between 18 and 24 are unsatisfied in the bedroom, but this increases to 18% for 25 to 34-year-olds, 23% for 35 to 44-year-olds, and reaches around 33% for those aged 45 and over. 

Expert advises how exploring new things can improve sexual satisfaction

Lovehoney spoke to Clinical Sexologist, Ness Cooper, to gain some insight around how people can look to boost their sexual satisfaction:

“Exploring new things sexually can be helpful to learn new ways you enjoy being stimulated. Our bodies and experiences are forever changing and this can mean that we may enjoy things we didn’t before at any point in our lives.

“Newness during sex can also help some individuals gain autonomy during sex too as well as authenticity. In the early stages of a relationship, sexual likes and dislikes can feel similar to your partner, but as you develop your relationship further you are able to express more about your individual differences.

“Sex toys can offer variations to sensations and stimulation. Particular types of sex toys can help inspire certain forms of sexual play too which may not have come to mind before. For example, buying a G-spot sex toy may inspire someone, or a couple, to explore G-spot play for the first time.”

You can see more of the data from LoveHoney’s research, as well as advise from Sexologist Ness Cooper by clicking HERE.