By Barbara Clark
Like most divorced women in their late sixties, the prospect of dating again felt both stimulating and terrifying.
After years of being single and working through the trauma of my separation, I am often left wondering if it’s worth my time or energy to pursue a new relationship or if I am better off just focusing on myself and my personal goals (nothing wrong with that!).
But loneliness can be a pervasive emotion, and there are certainly times when I crave the comfort and familiarity of a partner by my side. And sex. I crave that, too…
However, my life has changed dramatically since the last time I was in the dating pool. Culturally and politically, people are much more open-minded than they were when I was young or even middle-aged! There’s now a lot more wiggle room to express and experiment in ways that may have been frowned upon before.
There’s also the small matter of how my entire life outlook, aspirations, boundaries, dating preferences, and just about everything else in my life have evolved over all these years. I’m simply not the person I once was – and thank goodness for that.
As a divorced senior woman, I can confidently say that each year, my growing age has brought me closer to myself. I know more about what I want out of life, I have more grace and compassion for myself than ever before, and I’m learning that love is simple when you know who you are.
With all that in mind, I reckon I’m in a prime position to get back onto the dating scene – and that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’d like to share what I’ve learned (and am still learning) by offering some wisdom I’ve collected along the way. Because everyone can benefit from a bit of support!
My Insights Into “Gray” Dating
From body image insecurities to evolving courtship culture, navigating dating as a senior, or what’s cutely termed “gray dating” poses all sorts of challenges, and I’m not done yet, I’m sure.
However, I believe that with enough perseverance and clarity of mind, pursuing the kind of relationship that makes me truly happy is just as possible now as it was when I was in my 20s. I hope that my insights will help you find the love you deserve or at least help you to love yourself a little more.
Don’t rush it
One of the first things I learned was that taking it slow is the only way to go. There’s no rush to find the love of your life right now. Take the pressure off, and you’ll be much more likely to meet someone with the same interests at heart.
Plus, going slowly allows you to regularly check in with yourself and ask, “Do I actually like this person? Are my needs being met? Am I ignoring any red flags?” And so on.
Taking it easy, checking in with yourself, and choosing to focus on your true feelings and comfort means you’ll be more relaxed, and you won’t waste time on dates that you went on just because you felt pressured to meet someone.
Be honest about where you’re at and how you’re feeling
It took me some time to do this, but one of the best things you can do for yourself when bravely re-entering the dating scene is to be honest with yourself each step of the way. If something is not working for you, reflect on that and pull yourself out of the situation before it gets too complicated.
It can help to have a friend by your side to talk through the various ups and downs of your dating exploits – but even a bit of regular personal self-reflection can be hugely beneficial.
“Date” your friends
It’s normal to still harbor complex feelings about your ex-spouse or feel unsure about what you want out of dating as you get older. But I found that dating doesn’t always have to be about sex or romance – you can have just as much fun dating your platonic friends as you can with a hot date!
Take your bestie to see a movie, go out to eat, attend a cooking class, or write poetry in the park with your sibling. Why limit the enjoyment of a fabulous date to purely romantic endeavors? Think of it as a
practice run for “real” dating before you make the leap.
Be open to different types of dating opportunities
Personally, I’ve found that having an open mind to different types of dating experiences can give way to some of the most rewarding outcomes.
While events like speed dating or online dating might not feel natural to you at first, there’s a reason why they’ve become such popular ways of seeking meaningful relationships. I really enjoy meeting people online and I find many of the senior chat rooms really eye opening and engaging. There are so many other people in the same boat looking for love online that it’s hard to believe anyone stays single for long!
Of course, not every exploration is a resounding success (that’s a catfishing and scammer story for another day!) – but that’s just the way life is. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, after all. Don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone, you might be as surprised by what you find as I was.
Have fun!
Not every date needs to be about finding “the one” – and trust me, it won’t be! But that’s okay, and part of what makes the dating journey as a senior such a liberating and exciting one. You’re no longer bogged down by the insecurities and indecision of youth, you’re free to simply explore in confidence.
Finding joy in life and having fun is important for your health, especially as you get older and the opportunities for “fun” don’t seem to come around as often as they used to. Make sure to invite it into your life as much as possible!
Live, Learn, Love
Divorce was a very difficult chapter of my life to move on from, and I know I’m not alone in feeling that. But I didn’t want my past to hold me back from my future, and being the ex-Mrs was not my identity, it’s just something that happened in the story of my life.
I have yet to find my MrRight, but by keeping my mind and my heart open, I have met quite a few Mr Right Now’s! I’ve learned a lot, and I cannot wait to learn more, one date at a time.
Barbara Clark is a seasoned writer with over 30 years of experience crafting compelling narratives across diverse genres. Her work reflects a keen understanding of the human experience, drawing upon the richness of her life’s journey and unique perspective. Beyond her writing, Barb cherishes her role as a mother and grandmother, finding joy in lively board game nights with her family. When she’s not writing, she unwinds with a crochet hook in hand, listening to an audiobook as she creates intricate crocheted Amigurumi.
