By Patricia Crisafulli
Year after year, I used to mark a fresh calendar with a list of my resolutions—all those things I should, could, and would do. Not anymore! Now, I’m all for self-improvement—and I work on my health and fitness every day (it’s the top resolution for 2024, according to a recent survey). Maybe it’s the writer in me, but these days I find the concept of resolutions and that root word resolve—as in to make a firm decision or clear up a long-term problem—to be punitive and uninspiring.
There’s something bigger, broader, and bolder awaiting our attention this year. Our wishes! And the end of January (when, statistics show, 8 out of 10 people are on their way to dropping their resolutions)—is the perfect time to make a new wish.
Some very wise people have written, spoken, and counseled millions of others on the power of intention, fulfilling desires, and manifesting dreams—Oprah, Deepak Chopra, and the late Wayne Dyer to name a few. Add to that lofty list your friend who reads tarot and practices mindfulness, your neighbor with the gorgeous garden who talks and listens to plants, and maybe even your grandmother who knows a thing or two about “ask and you shall receive.” They’ll all tell you wishes have power.
I’ll admit it; when it comes to rolling with my wishes, I still have training wheels on. For years making wishes felt terrifying to me—a set up for heartbreak and failure (note to self: in hindsight, this was because I was either wishing half-heartedly or for the wrong things). But this year, I’m declaring my wishes with courage and confidence.
Why not give it a try?
What’s a wish?
We’re not talking frivolous fancies—my own deserted island, far, far away. We’re talking about dreams and intentions—the kind you can manifest with help from the Universe and an action plan. These are the deep desires of your heart. I’ve always known mine from childhood—to be a fiction writer. But, when I was growing up in rural New York State in the 1970s, this felt too big.
So, I approached my wish in half-measures, first by pursuing journalism in my 20s and 30s, becoming a nonfiction author in my 40s and 50s, and finally becoming a novelist in my early 60s with the publication of my Ohnita Harbor Mystery series. Sometimes, I wonder if I would have realized my desire sooner if I had wished harder—making bolder moves instead of safe steps along the path. Perhaps it really doesn’t matter—I got here, albeit through my share of rejection, reflection, redirection! Bottom line: my wish came true.
Take the “not” out of it.
For years, I made wishes like an indemnity clause. I hope I don’t, followed by a fear—lose the job … get rejected … break up with a boyfriend … You get the idea. My metaphysically-minded friends would say something about the inability of our subconscious minds to hear the “not”—or our fears manifesting more than our hopes. Here’s what I know, it feels different when we get the not out of it. As I write this, I’m preparing for a long-awaited vacation.
If I say to myself, “I hope my planes don’t get delayed” or “I hope my luggage doesn’t get lost,” I can feel that bubble of anxiety starting to inflate. But when I say, “I know my trip will go smoothly,” I feel relaxed. And, in this state of mind I can keep any glitches in perspective without catastrophizing—and enjoy the journey.
Be a little selfish.
This advice came from my wise sister, Jeannie. “Of course, you want good things for everyone in your life,” she told me. “But your wishes should be just for you.” I’ll admit I had a kneejerk reaction—wishing only for myself felt a little selfish. Then I put it in perspective. By prioritizing my own hopes and dreams, I can become a better wife, mother, sister, friend, and supporter of other people. By our actions and intentions, we show them what’s possible. That’s why it’s not selfish to want the best for ourselves, especially when pursuing our creativity.
My favorite granter of permission is Brenda Ueland in her classic book, If You Want to Write: A Book About Art, Independence and Spirit, who wrote: “Everybody is talented because everybody who is human has something to express … Writing or painting is putting these thoughts on paper. Music is singing them. That is all there is to it.” Amen, Brenda.
Talk about your wishes.
Let’s say it’s your birthday. You close your eyes, think of a wish, and blow out the candles. “What did you wish for?” a friend asks. “If I tell you, it won’t come true,” you protest. There are many cultural origins for this belief. My sisters and I heard a version of this from our Sicilian-American father, who believed that too much hopeful talk (or, heaven forbid, discussing one’s good fortune) would attract the malocchio—the evil eye. With all due respect to Dad and our rather colorful memories of him, I disagree. We need to talk about our wishes within our circle of supporters and collaborators. How else can we find people to help us bring them to fruition?
If I never told anyone about my dream of being a novelist, would I have pursued a Master of Fine Arts (MFA) degree? Would I have gone to a writer’s conference in New York City to pitch to agents and editors—and received the invaluable feedback to pursue mystery writing? Talking about your wishes makes them more real and attainable to you—and to the Universe, which is ready and willing to conspire to support you.
Light that candle (or 2 or 10 …).
To make our wishes, we light birthday candles, blow on a dandelion gone to seed, search out the first star in the night sky… My mother used to wish on loads of baled hay in a field or rolling down a country road on the back of a truck. These are rituals that allow us to express our deepest desires—the wishes that we really, truly want to manifest. We might also want to write them down someplace special—whether in that favorite journal, or on that Post-it note you stick on your bathroom mirror or the bottom of your computer.
Ritualize your wish-making with whatever feels right in the moment. Then watch to see what happens next.
You can hear more of my own thoughts on making wishes for the new year in my Instagram video below.
Patricia Crisafulli is an award-winning writer and a New York Times bestselling author. Her first novel, The Secrets of Ohnita Harbor, was published by Woodhall Press in 2022, and her second, The Secrets of Still Waters Chasm, was published in September 2023.
