Stress is an inevitable part of life, shaping and influencing our every decision, emotion, and action, including the way we communicate. It may induce the silent treatment or cause an emotional outburst, both of which can cause future regret.
Our friends over at Preply, an online language-learning platform, surveyed Americans to uncover common trends in how we communicate in stressful situations. On October 19, 2023, they surveyed 996 Americans on their experiences with stress and its impact on communication. Respondents ranged in age from 18 to 76 years old and were 49% female, 49% male, and 2% nonbinary. Preply looked at the undeniable link between specific words and stress responses, and also provided actionable advice to harness language as a tool for better communication when tensions rise.
Key findings
- The majority (80%) of Americans say their tone becomes more hurtful when stressed.
- When stress levels rise, 87% confess to using language they later regret.
- “I don’t care” is the #1 phrase Americans regret saying at work.
- A notable 76% say stressed communication has hurt their personal relationships.
- “I have some bad news” (65%) is the #1 phrase Americans feel triggered by.
Stress warps our words
An overwhelming 93% of Americans find that stress negatively impacts their words. Over 4 in 5 admit to having made hurtful remarks impulsively under stress and 87% of Americans confess to using language during stressful times that they later wish they hadn’t.
On the flip side, two-thirds of people report that stress causes them to speak less or even shut down entirely. It’s a defense mechanism, where individuals retreat into silence under pressure.
“I don’t care” is the #1 regretted phrase at work
When it comes to workplace communication, certain phrases uttered in moments of stress stand out for their regrettable impact. Topping the list is “I don’t care,” a phrase 36% of Americans regret saying in a professional setting.
Following closely are other stress-induced remarks such as, “Not my job,” and, “This is a waste of time,” regretted by 29% and 24% of the workforce, respectively. These statements, while perhaps truthful in the moment, can emit a vibe of uncooperativeness or disinterest in teamwork, painting the speaker in a less-than-favorable light.
The repercussions of such stressed-driven words are significant. Over two-fifths of employees acknowledge that their words, under stress, have sparked misunderstandings or conflicts in the workplace. This phenomenon is slightly more prevalent among men, with 47% admitting their words caused misunderstandings compared to 41% of women.
Generational differences also play a role in this dynamic. Boomers (46%) are most likely to find their words leading to conflict, followed in close succession by Gen X at 45%, millennials at 44%, and Gen Z at 39%.
Negativity in the workplace impacts job satisfaction
A significant 62% of employees report that exposure to others’ negativity at work has dampened their motivation and job satisfaction. Yet nearly 2 in 5 acknowledge that their workplace culture is permissive towards such language without repercussions.
This acceptance of negativity is most pronounced in industrial and manufacturing sectors, where 66% report a higher tolerance, followed by the hospitality industry at 42%, and corporate sectors at 39%.
Because of this, nearly 2 in 5 feel compelled to adjust their communication to align with a more negative tone, such as engaging in complaints or gossip. In fact, 2 in 5 employees admit to either observing or participating in gossip about colleagues.
Those in industrial and manufacturing environments are most prone to gossip, at 49%, followed closely by retail at 47%, and hospitality at 44%.
Across generations, Gen Z feels the most pressured to conform to a negative workplace culture at 41%, indicating a challenging dynamic for younger workers. Millennials follow at 37%, with Gen X and boomers both at 35%.
The impact of a negative workplace environment even spills into personal lives, with Americans spending an average of 11 minutes per day at home venting about work.
76% say stress-driven communication has strained personal relationships
A considerable 76% acknowledge that stress-tinged communication has strained their personal relationships. This high percentage indicates that for the majority, the way stress influences their interactions can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, or a general deterioration in their relationships.
The parallels between workplace and personal communication regrets are striking. Just as in the workplace, the phrase “I don’t care” (45%) tops the list of regretted statements in personal relationships. This is followed by, “You never listen,” at 38%, and, “It’s always about you,” at 33%.
A vast 88% have distanced themselves from someone they perceived as overly negative. This tendency is more pronounced among women, with 92% choosing to distance themselves compared to 84% of men.
When looking at generational differences, Gen X leads the pack in stepping back from negative individuals at 93%, followed by Gen Z at 90%, boomers at 86%, and millennials at 85%. However, Gen Z experiences the highest stress from negative social interactions at 83%, surpassing Gen X (81%), millennials (76%), and boomers (74%).
“We need to talk” is among the most triggering phrases
If you’ve ever felt a knot in your stomach from someone saying, “We need to talk,” then you’re familiar with the physiological reaction that your body has to certain words and phrases. These phrases, loaded with anticipation and often negative connotations, are commonly dreaded.
The phrase “I have some bad news” is the top trigger for Americans (65%). It’s closely followed by “we need to talk” (63%) and “I expected more from you” (57%).
Instead of using these triggering phrases, Preply language expert Sylvia Johnson says that “the key is to approach the situation with empathy, transparency, and a commitment to support. The language you use is critical so use words that inspire calmness and clarity.”
“Use phrases like ‘I understand that this news may be challenging to hear, and I want you to know that I’m here for you.’ Deliver the information straightforwardly, avoiding unnecessary ambiguity. Being clear helps the person process the news more effectively.”
“Immediately follow up with any available support or potential solutions. This shows that you’re not just delivering bad news but are committed to assisting in navigating the challenges. You could explain, ‘We’re here to support you through this. Let’s discuss how we can work together to find the best way forward.’”
“Finally, create a space for the person to share their feelings and reactions. Be patient and listen actively without rushing the conversation. You might say, ‘Take your time processing this information, and if you have any questions or feelings you’d like to share, I’m here to listen.’”
On the flip side, certain phrases can be soothing. “We’ll figure it out,” tops the list of calming phrases, with 68% of Americans finding solace in these words. This phrase is followed by, “We can handle this,” (58%), and, “I’m here for you,” (56%). These phrases provide a sense of support and reassurance, countering the stress response.
Interestingly, when it comes to self-soothing with affirmations during stressful times, “I can handle this” (62%) emerges as the most popular choice. This affirmation is followed by “I am learning from this” (15%) and “I am grateful for . . .” (8%).
These phrases reinforce the idea that the language we use, not just with others but with ourselves, has a powerful impact on our emotional state and stress levels. The way words can trigger stress or make us calm underscores the profound connection between language and our emotional well-being.
The power of mindful communication
Stress, an intrinsic element of our daily lives, significantly influences our communication patterns. If not managed, it can lead to misunderstandings and deteriorate connections in both personal and professional spheres. Mindful communication, therefore, becomes not just beneficial but essential.
Incorporating mindfulness into our communication entails being fully present, practicing active listening, and articulating thoughts with clarity and empathy. Such mindfulness is pivotal in varied contexts – from the workplace to personal interactions, and even in mastering a new language.
By improving our communication skills, we not only strengthen our interpersonal relationships but also enrich our self-relationship, paving the way for a more balanced and fulfilling everyday life. You can see more of the data over at Preply.
[This post was originally written by Matt Zajechowski for Preply.com, and republished here with permission.]
